


Given and denied

by Alex_stories



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, Multi, Relationships Are Messy, Second Chances, other minor relationships - Freeform, time loop trope
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28720137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alex_stories/pseuds/Alex_stories
Summary: Ellie and Abby have a lot of regrets. They wish they had been less obsessed with revenge, more aware of the way they were hurting their loved ones and the way they had lost their own humanity. They both wonder if they would do things differently if they would be given another chance. Surprisingly they are indeed given another chance, that comes with complicated rules and results in unexpected outcomes.OrWhat if Ellie and Abby had to repeat Seattle day 1 once and again, knowing everything they do at the end of TLoU2?
Relationships: Abby/Dina (The Last of Us), Abby/Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Abby/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 78
Kudos: 211





	1. Back in Seattle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HonestlyAwkward](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonestlyAwkward/gifts).



> This is prompt I read in tumblr made by honestlyanthony  
> (HonestlyAwkward in here):
> 
> "Okay TLOU story idea I am putting out into the universe. What about one of those “do over”/groundhogs day trope stories?  
> What would Ellie and Abby do if they both woke up back in time in Seattle Day 1 with all their memories intact of the events of the rest of the game?  
> Could be a simple “fix it” fic, or it could be more Palm Spring style groundhogs day cycle where they just keep reliving those three days over and over again and only the two of them are aware of it."
> 
> I read that prompt and was consumed by it. This is the result. Hope the author of the prompt likes this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own The Last of Us or it's characters. It belongs to Naughty Dog and Sony.

As she sat holding the guitar Joel had given her and realized she couldn't play it anymore she held it just a little longer and wondered why she didn't stay with Dina. She knew why but she wished she had done things differently so she wouldn't have lost those fingers. The thought that ultimately, her leaving had led to her saving Abby and that boy Lev - an innocent in all this mess - was nothing but a small mercy. 

She looked at her lost fingers. She could learn to play with her other hand, that was an option too, but it wouldn't be the same, it would not be what Joel taught her. It would be something else. She sighed and as she was leaving the guitar down there by the window she remembered a tune from a song. So she started singing it in a low voice as she left the place behind her.

_ Which way to the fountain of my youth I wonder _

_ Which way to the years I let go by _

_ Let a thirsty man drink in its memories _

_ While the water still flows sweet and crystal clear _

_ For yesteryear _

_ Oh to see the sun's eclipse _

_ On the horizon like ships _

_ Sailing way away from here _

_ Oh just one more time my dear _

_ Before I'll go hear me out _

_ Cos of this there ain't no doubt _

_ When it's time for curtain call _

_ Just before the shadows _

_ Fall like a leaf in the wind on the ocean _

_ Of blue like your eyes in the twilight theater _

_ With symphonies playing in the world without sound _

_ We're given and denied _

_ Give me back my innocence cos I wish to dream again _

_ Like I never outgrew my old playground _

_ Where the sun sets slowly with a golden crown _

_ And the leaves sing lullabies 'round vacant swings _

_ Give me those wings _

_ Let me fly once again _

_ Like I did way back when _

_ I would gamble and win _

_ To lift me high above the din _

_ Of the future we see _

_ Does it hold something for me? _

_ I'm weightless again _

_ Just before the shadows _

_ Fall like a leaf in the wind on the ocean _

_ Of blue like your eyes in the twilight theater _

_ With symphonies playing in the world without sound _

_ We're given and denied _

  
  


As she finished singing she looked back at her farm and despite the decisions she had made that had led to her somehow still being alive and thus, with another chance at making things right - or as right as she could make them - she felt so many regrets. Why was she still alive, waiting for her turn while Riley, Tess, Jesse and even Joel had left her? She was still waiting for her turn while everything around her vanished. She had a long way ahead to reconcile with Dina, it was not impossible but she wished she had not hurt her so much. She also wished she could have saved Jesse, not have killed all those people, she just wished she had a chance and she wondered if she could one day have that if she wouldn't fuck it up totally as she had the first time.

  
  


Ellie woke up. She looked at the ceiling and had no clue where she was. It was a house and she was sleeping on the floor. She looked up and saw a door that was locked with some wood and chairs. Something in the place seemed familiar and a fear started creeping inside her as her mind identified the place but simultaneously and completely denied the possibility of Ellie being there. She heard someone moving and immediately she looked to the side. She gasped as she saw that the shape was Dina, sleeping next to her. But there was something in her, something different and she didn’t know what it was. Whatever it was she did not care. When had this happened? When had she forgiven her to the point of letting her sleep next to her? She had the feeling there was information missing here but at the same time she was so happy to see her that she started crying. Gingerly she put a hand on her shoulder and then caressed her face. Dina was here, next to her! Gorgeous, loyal and fierce Dina was here. The most beautiful sight in the entire universe, right next to her. Something in the back of her skull was screaming at Ellie that this was too odd, not just that she would sleep next to her but the fact that they were in some random house sleeping on the floor. Then Ellie started looking around confused.

“Where’s JJ?” she wondered and started looking around. She stood up slowly and looked everywhere but could not find him.

She started to feel panic but then she put her left hand on her forehead and noticed another completely out of place thing was happening here. She felt her fingers. All of them. Alarmed she looked at her hands. All her fingers were there.

  
  


_ What the fuck? _ , thought Ellie,  _ this is impossible… I must be dreaming _

If this was a dream it felt damn real. 

“Ouch” said Ellie after she pinched herself

This hypothesis that pinching oneself to tell if one is dreaming was not working because she was not waking up. This couldn’t be real. What the hell was happening? Ellie sat next to Dina, still looking at her hands and then at Dina as if both were a miracle.

“What’s up?” asked Dina, as she was waking up

Her voice, so tender and sweet, made Ellie feel like crying again. She started caressing her hair again. 

“I’m just… confused” said Ellie

“About what?” asked Dina, furrowing her brow

“Many things” said Ellie “I am unsure about where are we”

Dina scoffed

“I knew you were lost, you dummy” said Dina and smiled teasingly

“I am indeed” said Ellie “or was”

“What’s up with you?” asked Dina and seemed to be more awake now, although she was still laying down “were you reading some philosophy books?”

“No… I’m just… so happy you are with me. I can’t believe my luck” said Ellie and laid again next to her, looking at her in the eyes

Dina smiled and blushed a bit

“Well, I couldn’t let you come here alone, specially since you are already lost” said Dina

“You know there is this song that Joel sang to me, the first time he ever sang something to me” said Ellie “I think it applies to what I feel about you too”

Dina seemed surprised. Ellie had not talked about Joel in that sense ever, with such calm in her voice. 

“What does the song say?” asked Dina, her eyes full of interest

Ellie sang a part of that song to her.

_ If I ever were to lose you _

_ I'd surely lose myself _

_ Everything I have found dear _

_ I've not found by myself _

_ Try and sometimes you'll succeed _

_ To make this man of me _

_ All my stolen missing parts _

_ I've no need for anymore _

_ I believe _

_ And I believe 'cause I can see _

_ Our future days _

_ Days of you and me _

Dina observed her in awe and it seemed that she was about to cry.

“That is beautiful” said Dina “but you have to change the lyrics to say woman”

Ellie chuckled

“I love you” said Ellie to Dina and she meant it with all her heart. Dina smiled and kissed her.

Ellie had missed her so much, wanted so much to find comfort in her and regretted so much losing her that when Dina did that she felt she would never know happiness like this. It didn't seem like Dina had intended to do more than just give her a small kiss but she awakened a hunger in Ellie that breathed fire inside her. Ellie straddled Dina and kissed her more deeply until the smaller woman moaned. She kissed Dina everywhere, tasting everything as if it was her last day on earth. Dina seemed surprised but delighted to comply and to also take from Ellie and soon they were fucking with complete abandon. After they both came and were satisfied to a point they laid down again and looked at each other and laughed.

“Well, that is a nice way to wake up” said Dina in between breaths 

Ellie smiled at her. 

“We should start getting ready though” said Dina as she stood up and started dressing up “we should be arriving Seattle soon”

It was as if a cold water was thrown on her. Ellie sat up and stared at Dina. She was putting on her clothes and wasn’t aware of the panicked look Ellie was giving her.

“What do you mean Seattle? Why are we here again?” asked Ellie

“Again?” asked Dina and looked at Ellie confused “we have never been here, at least I haven’t… have you been to Seattle before?”

“What are you talking about?” asked Ellie perplexed “we were here, it was horrible, how can you have forgotten?”

“Ellie, what are  _ you _ talking about? We were never here” said Dina

“The Wolves, the scars, the tortured people, Nora, Jesse, Owen, Mel, Abby… all of that, are you telling me you forgot?” asked Ellie, perplexed, and starting to get worried about Dina’s state of mind

“What scars? Who are those people you are talking about? What about Jesse? He's back in Jackson. Ellie, are you alright?” asked Dina

She looked at Ellie with a worried stare. She had her pants on and was about to put on a shirt when Ellie noticed something. She stood up and came near Dina and observed her shoulder. There was no mark of the arrow that had pierced her when they had that fight with Abby at the theater.

“What is going on?” asked Ellie but it was more of a rhetorical question. She had no idea what was happening.

“That is what I am wondering” asked Dina “Ellie, what is happening? You seem confused”

“I am” admitted Ellie “We have been here or I think we have and now you said we weren’t here already?”

“No, Ellie, we haven’t ever set foot there before” said Dina “we will probably arrive now, we’re close but what were you talking about Jesse?”

“You said he is in Jackson?” asked Ellie

“Yes” said Dina

“You said he did not come?” asked Ellie

“No, as far as I know, we are the only ones coming after Tommy, who came here after Joel’s killer, remember?” asked Dina cautiously

“I do… I mean… we are after Tommy, right?” asked Ellie and she felt she was beginning to understand what was happening in this dream or nightmare or whatever this was

“And Joel’s killer” said Dina

“No, no, no, no!” yelled Ellie

_ Fuck that _ , thought Ellie,  _ I am getting my family and we are getting the fuck out, fuck Abby _

“No?” asked Dina “wasn’t that the reason we are here?”

“No” said Ellie again “I don’t give a fuck about her, we are getting Tommy and then we get the fuck out, back to Jackson and it’s like we were never even here” 

Dina was completely confused

“But… I thought…?” asked Dina

Ellie grabbed Dina’s hand and then caressed her face with her other hand.

“Dina, the most important thing is to get my family safe and we aren’t safe here, I’m sorry I brought you here, I really am. I am glad I am not alone but we have to get the fuck away from this place” said Ellie intently and almost shaking from the nervousness and fear.

Dina seemed very very confused but she nodded.

“Ok… I don’t know what made you change your mind but ok” said Dina

“I just want my people to be safe” said Ellie with a pained stare

If for some reason she was given another chance and this was it, she was going to take it and this time she was going to make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware I have another story I am posting here, don’t worry, that story will be finished, it is already all written, I tend to write all and then edit and only post when I am happy about the editing. Usually since I am doing this alone and English is not my mother tongue, this takes some time so this might not be a weekly updated fic but let’s see! Depends on the situation so let's see how this goes. Up until now this has 22 chapters and I think that at most it will be 23 or 24 chapters. Let's see.
> 
> Songs:   
> 'Given and Denied' by Poets of the Fall  
> 'Future Days' by Pearl Jam


	2. Trial and error

Dina was looking at Ellie’s eyes and she seemed to be extremely confused about what Ellie had just told her.

“Ok, if you are sure” said Dina, carefully as if talking to someone who could suddenly break 

“I am” said Ellie

Dina nodded and they got ready to leave. The day advanced pretty much the same as last time, Ellie opened the gate much faster and knew the way around the place with such ease that Dina was starting to look at her suspiciously.

“How do you know all of this?” asked Dina at one point, seeing how Ellie knew perfectly well were to go and where supplies were.

“I just follow my intuition” said Elie

When they reached the synagogue, Ellie decided to ask Dina more questions to try to learn more about her sister and the history of her people. Dina seemed pleased with that and tried to remember some good things about the life she had before Jackson. Everything went much more smoothly than the last time but when they reached the place where she remembered Shimmer dying so she stopped them. Instead of advancing she told Dina to move some steps back and hide. Dina was confused but complied. Ellie proceeded to place bombs in the floor and then she set up the trap that would have killed Shimmer with a bottle she threw at it. Immediately wolves came and then they fell on her traps and exploded to bits. Ellie flinched as she saw that. She didn't enjoy doing that but she also didn't want those people to get to Dina, she was afraid of the threat this place and its people posed to Dina, Jesse and Tommy.

Dina was even more surprised after seeing what happened.

“How…?” whispered Dina

“Intuition” said Ellie “let’s go, there’s more probably”

More wolves came and Dina and Ellie tried to evade them but they were forced to eliminate them as they approached, they were surprised by the traps and probably confused so Ellie used that as an advantage. After that she remembered an alternative route and took them to the theater, avoiding the scars and the wolves as much as possible but not completely able to evade fighting them. Just as before, the wolves and the scars had absolutely no intention of talking to the trespassers, they would just shoot at them the second they saw them. Ellie wished they weren't like this but she couldn't change them, she couldn't even talk to them, discuss that she wasn't here for them or their war. Yet more important than them was keeping Dina safe. Because of this, Ellie had no hesitations and neither did Dina, they both eliminated them and Ellie tried to remember as much as she could about where to go. However as they were escaping someone shot at Shimmer, killing him. This saddened Ellie but they had to continue regardless.

As they were reaching the theater Dina also started feeling ill again so she needed help to get in. Ellie helped her and they blocked the door behind them.

“Maybe you should rest” suggested Ellie

“Ellie, I’m pregnant,” confessed Dina. Ellie looked at her compassionately this time, remembering how much of a bitch she had been to her when Dina told her that the first time

“Don’t worry, not yours”, said Dina.

Ellie cracked a smile at that, the memory of Dina trying to joke at that difficult situation reminded her of how brave she was and that she hadn't deserved what Ellie had told her afterwards. This time, though, Ellie knew she had to be better.

“Are you crazy? Of course it’s mine” joked Ellie

“You know what I mean, silly” said Dina, surprised but happy about Ellie’s reaction

“Whatever you choose to do” said Ellie and held her hand “I’m with you, don’t worry”

“Thanks” said Dina, blinking. She seemed surprised by Ellie's reaction.

“There is something I have to tell you” said Ellie

They had avoided the metro station and so she had not seen Ellie breath in spores

“What is it?” asked Dina

“I wasn’t lying about my bite story, I am immune” said Ellie

“Com’on Ellie, I am not joking about the pregnancy, what is this story again?” asked Dina

“It’s not a story…” said Ellie “Joel met me when he was supposed to take me to the fireflies, they were going to do a cure using my immunity but then I would have died so Joel stopped them”

“Ellie” said Dina, still incredulous

“It’s true, I swear… I am immune, can’t make you immune as far as I know… Because Joel did that I was angry at him for years and well… I regret that now but… it’s done…” said Ellie and looked down

“Are you serious?” asked Dina

“I am” said Ellie “Maria and Tommy know, Joel knew… no one else”

“Oh… Ellie” said Dina “I’m so sorry… why are you telling me this?” asked Dina

“I think you deserve to know” said Ellie “I want to be with you, you're important, you deserve the truth”

Dina caressed Ellie’s face and seemed thankful.

“Thank you” said Dina

Ellie gave her a brief kiss.

“I am also telling you in case you see me jump into into a spore area, so that you won’t worry” said Ellie

Dina tilted her head and furrowed her brow

“Why would you do that?” she asked

“Sport?” joked Ellie and shrugged

Dina chuckled

“That would be seriously stupid” commented Dina “but probably not unexpected”

Ellis smiled but then she noticed how tired Dina looked.

“You should rest” said Ellie “let me look for something to cover you up with”

She went to find a curtain inside the theater and she had to try and focus on what she wanted to do. Being back there almost gave her a panic attack. That place was terrible, she never wanted to be there again. Ellie sat and tried to calm herself, she sang a tune to try and not get lost in the horrific memories this place brought. It was here where Dina and her had almost died, saved only by the insistence of that young boy, Lev, and the fact that his pity moved Abby for some reason. That boy had shown compassion to her and Ellie had threatened his life afterwards… She felt so much regret over so many things. She hoped she could do things differently now. However, being there and remembering that boy, she wondered if there was a way she could alert him to not go to Santa Barbara, somehow save him from the rattlers.

Ellie didn't know how long she had been there, crying and trying to recover when she saw the guitar and remembered that since she had gone through another route Dina had not heard her sing to her. She had to fix this. So she grabbed the guitar and went to Dina. She covered Dina with the curtains and then she asked her if she would like for her to sing to her. Dina nodded enthusiastically and Ellie sang _Take on me_ to her. This time she sang the whole song and although Dina was smiling, she was also tired and after talking for some seconds she fell asleep soon after Ellie sang to her. Ellie observed her while she slept and was at peace.

Then she remembered Abby. Trembling with fear, she went to see about the place and observe if there was any door or window open that could lead to the inside of the theater. Ellie found the window and went to turn the generator on. Then she blocked the entrance, she even went to look for planks, a hammer and needles and when she found them she blocked the place so that no one could enter. She looked for any other potential entrance and blocked them too. No way she was allowing that woman to come here. 

Although the events at Seattle were not their happiest topic, as years had passed Ellie remembered what Tommy had mentioned about the route he took and where he was. The problem would be how to find Jesse. She had not had time to ask him those questions last time but she needed to find him. They had arrived earlier to the theater so Ellie thought she might still have some daylight time to go and look for Tommy at least. While Dina slept Ellie looked around just to be sure there was no other way in and then when she was satisfied she went to see Dina, who was waking up. She asked her to come and block the door and that she had a plan.

“I think I can go now” said Dina

“No, no, babe, stay and rest, it is better if you can recover, ok?” asked Ellie 

“But” complained Dina

“Please” begged Ellie earnestly 

Dina looked at her and then gave her her hamsa bracelet.

“Take this then” said Dina “I know what you think… you don’t believe-”

“I’ll be honored” said Ellie and kissed her

Dina smiled but seemed surprised

“You are different today” said Dina “like a whole other person”

“Sorry” said Ellie

“I am not saying it’s bad… just that it seems like there is a whole new side of you” said Dina “I’m glad I am getting to know more about you, even in these circumstances”

“Me too” said Ellie and kissed her goodbye again

"I have to admit that even this new you is unable to let me finish my sentences" said Dina smiling

Ellie chuckled at that.

"Sorry, I'll try to do better" said Ellie

"It's ok" said Dina and caressed Ellie's hair

Ellie said goodbye and left after that. She went ahead and searched for Tommy. On the way there she found more manuals and ideas for improving her guns and she also saw scars fighting with wolves and she let them to their business. 

_Fuck them_ , thought Ellie, _hope they kill each other_

Immediately after thinking that she regretted it. They were also just people, she just wished they could all stop and think for a second if whatever they were fighting for was worth dying for. It made her slightly angry that they would just cause that much disaster and created such a dangerous environment for her family. Whenever she could, she avoided them, but when she couldn’t she used the infected she saw on the way to her advantage, luring them to where the scars or wolves were. Remembering the rattlers, she set up traps when there were dogs following her scent and was careful to go as undercover as she could. Eventually she reached what she calculated was the spot Tommy could be at right now. She saw him shooting at some scars and she helped him as stealthy as possible to get rid of them. As she did that she also remembered to always collect any weapon or supplies she could. 

“Tommy” she whispered

He shot but she hid in time.

“Stop shooting, you asshole, it’s me” said Ellie

“Ellie? What are you doing here?” asked Tommy

“I had to come and bring you back” said Ellie “special delivery to Maria, she’s gonna flip when she sees you”

“Well, I had to come and kill these bastards, turns out there are plenty of other assholes here apart from them” said Tommy

“Come, we have to look for Jesse” said Ellie

“Jesse?” asked Tommy

“Yeah… I have spied the wolves and read some notes, it seems they saw someone matching his description somewhere here, we have to find him, bring him to safety” lied Ellie

“Sure, but where is he?” asked Tommy

“I don’t know, that is why I need your help” said Ellie

“Fine” said Tommy

They went north, south, at the entrance of Seattle again but they could not find him. On their way they had passed a couple of scars and wolves and had killed any that were too close to them, they had no time for mercy, Ellie had a quest to complete, she had to find her family.

Suddenly a couple of trucks passed by and stopped near them. Other wolves came near the truck and heard that there were some new orders. She heard the wolves discussing that there was a sighting of a male trespasser near one of the gates and that they had orders to go there and eliminate him. Ellie panicked as she heard that and immediately set the truck and the people near there on fire using molotovs and explosive arrows. Tommy almost didn’t have time to react but soon he was helping her eliminate these people.

“Damn, Ellie, when did you learn to make those?” asked Tommy about her arrows

“No one is getting my people” said Ellie under her breath “let’s get Jesse and then Dina”

“Wait, Dina is also here?” asked Tommy

“She is but she’s a bit sick so she’s resting, once we get Jesse we go to her” replied Ellie

Tommy nodded and followed her. The way to that gate was not easy since other wolves had been deployed there but Ellie was not giving up on Jesse. She would save him at any cost. Every wolf she took was a step closer to Jesse, was making the place safer for him, she did not care for them, she only cared to achieve her goal. She had to get to Jesse, make sure he survived this time.

She was about to lose hope of ever finding him but then she saw that someone had ignited a bomb near that gate and so she believed that had to be him. Tommy and her killed as many wolves as they found on the way, quietly and with precision. She was not going to alert these fuckers she was there. She used all her knowledge and all her wit and made sure not to let a foe standing and Tommy was equally deadly. When it seemed they had finally died, she quietly got to where he could be but didn’t find him there. 

“Jesse” she whispered “where are you?”

Someone poked her from behind and she almost jumped.

“Fuck, you scared me” said Ellie

“How did you know I was here?” asked Jesse

“Heard some report on the radio” lied Ellie

“Really?” asked Jesse “did the report mention my name?”

“Yup, exactly that” joked Ellie

“I am wondering myself, how did you know it was him” asked Tommy “even now what we heard… they only mentioned a male trespasser, it could be anyone”

“In another report they mentioned more and I just guessed it had to be Jesse, who else would come to our aid anyway? No one is that much of a sap” said Ellie

“Thanks, didn’t know you had those ideas of me” said Jesse, looking sad but joking regardless

“I am thankful” said Ellie “now let’s go to Dina”

They had not even walked 10 steps when an arrow flew and hit directly at Jesse’s head. Ellie turned and watched in horror as her friend died once more before her eyes.

“NO!” she screamed

As if things couldn’t be worse, someone shot at Tommy and he fell to the ground. A pool of blood started forming where he fell. Ellie would have screamed but her preservation instincts finally kicked in and she hid but Ellie had her eyes fixed on Jesse and Tommy. It was the same nightmare once more but now Tommy was also dead.

_I couldn’t save them, I made it worse_ , thought Ellie desperately.

She looked around and saw that the scars were in some building not far from there. She ran and hid and got to them, killed them one by one but then she felt a strong pain on her back and she fell to the floor. She barely had enough time to look back and see that huge man with a big hammer as he was holding it up and then he strongly hit her with it, killing her.

  
  
  


Ellie woke up again.

Again she saw the same roof, the blocked door and Dina by her side.

_What the fuck?_ , Ellie thought.

Waking up next to Dina was amazing and seeing her healthy was more than she could ask for but this was strange. 

_Am I here again?_ , Ellie wondered.

She caressed Dina’s face and Dina woke up.

“Good morning” said Dina

“Good morning” said Ellie

“What’s happening?” asked Dina

“Why?” asked Ellie

“You are looking me like if you had seen a ghost” said Dina

“No, I am seeing the opposite, I would say I am seeing something spectacular” said Ellie and smiled at her

Dina smiled and gave her a kiss. Again that hunger got to Ellie, that consuming need to be with her, closer, as close as she could. This might be nothing more than a dream but if she was given a chance to wake up next to Dina Ellie was not wasting it. They fucked but this time Dina was the one straddling her and fingering her until she forgot this was not real. Whatever this dream was, at least she could be with Dina again.

“Wow, what a way to wake up” said Dina

Ellie smiled and kissed her.

“I have no problem waking up everyday to this” said Ellie “we should leave though”

“True” said Dina

They got ready and things went pretty much the same as the last time, Ellie tried another route to see if she could save Shimmer but this time sereaphites got to him. It seemed she could not save him. Ellie tried to ask more about Dina and her family this time, getting to know her better and really listening to what she believed in was important. Remembering how she had enjoyed that book, this time Ellie did take them near that colourful library so that Dina would take the novel. Another difference was that this time Ellie confessed to Dina about her immunity before Dina confessed about her pregnancy. Again she sang to Dina to fall asleep, she chose another song this time and Dina seemed happy. When she left, it was easier to get to Tommy and this time she was more careful when getting to Jesse. She made sure to eliminate the lurking scars too, not just the wolves. She double checked afterwards and only then got to Jesse. Both Jesse and Tommy were surprised about how well Ellie knew the place, as if she had been there before but Ellie only mentioned that it was because she had found a map. She asked Jesse all about how he got there, which route he took, all he could tell her and Ellie heard him patiently. 

One moment she blinked, the next she woke up again next to Dina. 

She was utterly confused. She had not died, nothing had happened. She looked at Dina and was getting nervous that maybe she could not keep her safe. She desperately wanted to save her family. Ellie went to hug and hold onto her strongly. Dina misinterpreted her intentions and they ended up fucking again. If there was a part of the day she was not getting tired of repeating it was this part. Then they got ready to leave and the day went as the other had, except Ellie set Shimmer free at one point, hoping maybe this way he could make it and Ellie sang a different song this time to Dina. This time she found Tommy with much ease than before and even Jesse. They found all their enemies and killed or avoided them quietly, she was becoming better at this each time. This time she didn't even have to kill many people and that made her happier.

They went back to the theater and Dina let them in. Dina hugged Ellie and was surprised to see Jesse and Tommy there. They briefly explained as they went in and they blocked everything behind them.

After they talked for a while Ellie sighed and she looked at Tommy.

“We have to go back” said Ellie

“But we haven’t found her and killed her” said Tommy

“Dina is ill” said Ellie “she needs care”

“Well, you go back with her” said Tommy

“I have to bring you back” said Ellie “we promised Maria”

“I can’t just let her go” said Tommy

“We have to try and let her go” said Ellie “we have to go back”

“What is going on?” asked Dina “Ellie I am thankful but I thought…” 

“Why are we here?” asked Ellie

They looked at her as if she was insane.

“Because Joel was killed” said Ellie “and he was killed because of me, because he wanted to protect me, save me”

“How do you know this?” asked Tommy

“What do you mean saved you?” asked Jesse

“Fireflies were going to operate on me, that would have killed me, Joel stopped them, those guys were fireflies, I read it in some notes I found” said Ellie. It wasn't the entire truth but she couldn't really disclose what had actually happened.

“What?” asked Jesse

“It’s true” said Tommy

Jesse was confused but seemed unable to ask anymore questions.

“And I am not happy about this but we have to leave” said Ellie

“Why?” asked Tommy 

“These people, the scars and wolves, are at war with each other, they will probably kill each other, so I say we let them. We have no business here, I came here because Joel was like my dad, I don’t need to lose more people, if any of you die here it will be my fault and I am sick of losing people” said Ellie with difficulty

“Ellie… but-” Tommy started saying

“No, I agree with her” said Jesse

“Me too” said Dina “we go, let’s not even look back”

Tommy seemed angry but he nodded. Ellie sighed in relief. 

“I am gonna go check on something, we should get ready to leave” said Ellie

Hopeful and relieved, Ellie went to check that there were no open areas and that no one had tried coming in. Everything seemed fine and she was about to leave the radio room when she heard a noise. 

To her dismay she realized that the sound was of someone trying to move the blockade she had placed there. 

_No_ , thought Ellie, shuddering in horror, _not again, why?, it wasn’t supposed to happen yet._

Ellie was hyperventilating but she tried to focus on what she had to do. She immediately blocked the door that led to the theater, she was going to face Abby on her own. She was not going to let Abby get to her family. As the person that was surely Abby tried to enter the room, Ellie took her guns and shot as soon as she saw a glimpse of an arm.

“Please go away”, screamed Ellie, “just leave us alone!”

  
 _I am not letting you hurt or kill them_ , thought Ellie, _not again_


	3. Back at the stadium

Lev was her whole world. There was no one else left from her family or friends, no pack left. All were gone. She had never expected that her trip to Jackson - her accomplished revenge - would leave her so empty. She had found no resolution or calm, she had only found more pain after that. More than gaining anything Abby had lost so much in her quest, she had lost her humanity, betrayed friends and then lost them over her revenge and the retaliation that ensued after it. She had almost killed those two girls, even when she knew that their deaths would give her nothing more than desolation. Lev had saved her. By pleading for their lives he was actually in a way pleading to save Abby's last remains of decency. Then when she thought she was on the way to trying to rebuild her life she had been captured and made to work as a mule, and watched in horror how Lev was condemned to the same fate next to her. He deserved so much better. She wished she could take all back and give him a better future. When she had been saved by that redhead - the last person she ever expected would save her - she had not been that surprised that she wanted to fight her. She had only been tired. The redhead was her, just like her, fueled only by revenge and hate, the kind that consumed and leaves nothing behind. The woman looked terrible. What was her name? Ellie? Something like that. She had no intention to fight her but Ellie had threatened Lev so she had no choice and for moments during that fight it seemed that she could defeat her but then Ellie had her under water and Abby really thought that was it. Whatever that girl had been before, Abby had carved her into her own image the moment their paths crossed, modeled into her own self and just like Abby had not been able to stop until Joel died, Ellie would not stop until Abby was dead. Except she didn’t do it. For some reason, just as Abby’s forces were abandoning her and she was about to give in to the darkness something unexpected happened, she let her go. Ellie let her go.

“Go... just take him” said Ellie in a weak voice, sitting on the waters, hunching on herself, no longer looking at her. Then she cried and wailed, expressing a grief so familiar to Abby it broke her even more. 

She didn’t need encouragement, she immediately went away with Lev. She wanted to leave the thoughts of that part of her past there, in that beach and try to not look back. After a few days he recovered and suggested some plant leaves for their sunburns. Soon after that they reached the Fireflies. Abby couldn’t believe they had made it! All those months suffering were behind them and now they have found them. They found a home, a purpose, a new team and, slowly, they recovered. For the first time in months she let herself hope. Maybe this was her chance of a new beginning, maybe now she could do something positive in her life. She missed Owen terribly and wished she had not let him go all those years ago, she wished she had been better, that she had let those revenge plans long before so that she wouldn’t have brought that devastation onto her people. It was too late, she would now only have to try and improve. She wondered often if she had another chance, what would she do? Would she choose better? Would she be able to change things, so that her friends didn’t die? She would never know. That ship had sailed.

  
  
  


Abby woke up in a place that looked familiar but improbable. It was definitely a library, that much was certain. Someone was talking to her and it sounded like someone she knew but there was something out of place about it. It took her some time to realize that the voice belonged to Manny. She was immediately awake and sat so fast that it made her dizzy for a second. 

“What the fuck?” said Abby and looked at Manny as his face was becoming clearer and clearer.

It was him! She almost screamed. The sight of his head being blown up by Tommy’s gun was something she had never forgotten. How the hell was he alive?

“I’m just trying to wake you up” said Manny “what’s happening, you look like you have seen a ghost”

Her jaw dropped as she stared at him, she stood up, came to him and touched his shoulder and then his face. She gasped, unable to believe what her senses were telling her.

“What’s going on?” asked Manny jokingly “are you suddenly attracted to me?”

In reply to that silliness, Abby hit him in the arm.

“Ouch, I take that as a no” said Manny

Abby was still bewildered. She closed and then opened her mouth and would have said something but nothing came. Manny’s eyebrows drew together but he waited for Abby to talk.

“You are here, for real” said Abby in disbelief

“Where was I supposed to be?” asked Manny and laughed nervously

His laugh died when Abby hugged him strongly.

“Ok, ok, you had a bad dream or something?” asked Manny, surprised

“Something” said Abby as she released him and looked around.

Then she looked at her own arms and legs and was shocked again. She touched her arms and felt her muscles and despite their reality she could not comprehend how this could be. She was pretty sure her arms and hands were supposed to have wounds that were miraculously not there right now.

“Abby, are you ok?” asked Manny “you look like those babies that realize they have hands”

Abby looked at him but then she went to look for a mirror or window. She saw her reflection and just couldn’t believe it. She was buff again, as before. There were no sunburn marks and she was missing a lot of scars too. She touched her hair, it was long again, she had her long braid again. She had missed it so much but how could it be? Hair takes so long to grow to that length.

_When? How?_ , she thought, _what is going on?_

“Abby, is something wrong?” asked Manny

“Huh?” asked Abby, still in shock

“Look, I don’t know what is going on but we have to leave” said Manny

Abby’s glance darted around, taking all in. She knew this place but it couldn’t be! How did they let her in again, didn’t they think she was a traitor? She looked at the book on the floor, the one she had been reading, then at Manny and she remembered this exact moment.

_It can’t be_ , thought Abby.

“Are we going with Mel?” asked Abby in a low, shaky voice

“Wait, how did you know?” asked Manny

“It doesn’t matter” replied Abby shaking her head

Abby took a deep breath and then she let it all out again slowly. Was this really what she thought it was? If it was, then her friends, her people were in danger now, from the scars, from the Jackson people, even from the wolves themselves. Despite the absurdity of it all, she tried to concentrate and make a plan. There was still time to save Manny. She needed to concentrate on saving those who could die this day.

_Lev, Yara_ , thought Abby. During the time they had been together they had spoken about different things but Abby didn’t really ask for details of his route of escape. The one thing she knew was where they captured Yara. That much she remembered. 

“Listen, can I talk to you later?” asked Abby “I have something I have to look for”

“But we have to leave, orders from Isaac” insisted Manny

Isaac… of course… he was still alive now. She almost stopped to ask more but she had no time and there was no point. If she was here again she knew what she had to do.

“Oh, sure, let me get my things” lied Abby

She went to her room and grabbed a picture of her dad. She knew that she would never get these things back, she would never go back to this room in her life. She tried to take provisions, in particular medical provisions and then she got ready to leave. After that she went through another area, evaded her friends and escaped. It wasn’t easy but she knew how to do this. She had to get to Lev and Yara. All the way there she tried not to be found but there were several Seraphites on the way there and that delayed her, she couldn't avoid them all so she was forced to fight some and take from them any bullets or supplies they had. She hid from all the wolves too, she didn’t want to kill them, it could complicate matters but she needed to avoid detection too. All this care and stealth took time and somehow she made it to the place where she would have been hanged. She hid in some bushes and observed as the Seraphites were there and talking about the apostates.

After some time Abby recognized that the time where they would bring Yara was approaching, she waited there patiently. Then something unexpected happened. They brought in someone to hang, someone she knew. It was Manny.

_What the fuck?_ , thought Abby, _Why is he here?_

It happened just like it did with her and they were about to cut him open. She had to stop them but then… what about Yara? Did she have to choose? Either save Yara or him? She couldn’t let them kill him so she was about to shoot when they brought Yara and the woman who would have killed Manny went to her. When she demanded that they clip Yara’s wings then Abby knew it was the time. She shot at the man that would have hurt Yara and then an arrow pierced the other man who would have tried to do the same to her other arm. Then she shot at the woman who presided over this and ran to Manny. Immediately she was shot in the shoulder with an arrow.

Lev came from the bushes and was pointing his bow directly at Abby

“Please, I just want to save my friend, I won't hurt you” screamed Abby and tried to hold up her hands in surrender despite the pain.

“Lev, leave her, she saved me” said Yara

“What? But she is a wolf” said Lev

“Still, she saved me” insisted Yara

“Ok” said Lev and lowered his bow

Abby went to his friend and freed him. He gasped for air and was recovering his breath while Abby removed the arrow from herself and tried to cure herself.

“Why did you help me?” asked Yara

“I needed to, I just had to” said Abby

She felt strangely hurt that they didn’t know her but if this was what she thought it was, then of course they had no reason to trust her yet.

“But you are a wolf” said Lev

“I know” said Abby then pointed at Yara “but she was about to be severely hurt”

“So?” asked Yara “you are still a wolf, you should probably want that”

“No” replied Abby “we did some fucked up shit, I know but you don’t deserve this”

“What are you talking about Abby?” asked Manny, finally recovered "have you forgotten who they are?"

Abby would have answered but they heard clickers noise.

“Demons are coming” said Lev

Quickly she looked in her backpack and gave a gun to Manny and another to Yara - to which Manny tried to protest but Abby ignored him - and they faced the infected. Nothing was much different this time than the last time, the only difference was that now Manny was also here and that when they fought that big woman she had Manny’s backpack, not hers. Eventually they reached the trailer house and there Lev checked on Yara. She seemed to be mostly fine, she said she just had some cuts in her arm and legs, at least her arm wasn’t broken this time.

“Can you tell me what is going on?” asked Manny

“Can _you_ tell me what is going on?” asked Abby “how were you captured?”

“We were ambushed on the way to the base, they got Mel” said Manny

“What?” asked Abby and felt a cold down her spine “how? No, it’s not possible” 

“They killed her” said Manny “I talked to Isaac about going out there and finding the bastard but he said he no more time for revenge excursions, especially after you disappeared today. So I went there on my own”

“No, she can’t be dead, no… she was… no” said Abby and sat on the floor

This was her fault, she had not gone with them and now Mel was dead.

“I’m sorry for your loss” said Yara gently

Lev only nodded, seemingly still confused about this peculiar company.

“I got captured and then you found me” said Manny

“No” said Abby and grabbed her head “no, no, no, no”

She slid to the floor, sitting there, placing her head in her knees and putting her hands in her head. This was a nightmare, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“Abby, what's going on? Why did you..?” said Manny but he never finished that sentence

A gunshot cut Manny’s question short. She looked up as Manny died again in front of her just like the first time, with his head blown to pieces. Lev was fast and killed the man who had shot Manny. When he did that it was as if Abby had woken up and she went near the door and shot at each one of them, being careful not to be hit. As soon as she saw one person she killed them, any hesitation she had had disappeared. Then no one else came. She went to check on Manny hoping that despite what she had seen he could have survived. To her chagrin, he had not.

“No…” said Abby again weakly

“I’m sorry,” said Lev. His hand hovered over Abby’s shoulder but then he took it away. He still didn’t trust her.

Abby looked at him and she felt she was about to cry but she stopped herself.

“Let’s just go” said Abby, taking all the ammunition Manny had in his backpack

“Where?” asked Yara

“A safer place, I know one, just come with me” begged Abby

“Why?” asked Lev “we barely know you”

“I just want to help, this place here is dangerous” said Abby “I know Seraphites patrol this area. They won't find us where I'm taking you”

Yara and Lev looked at each other.

“Why do you want to help us?” asked Yara

Abby sighed.

“I have done, and continue to do lots of stupid and fucked up things in my life, I have to lighten the load”, said Abby “You are just kids”

They observed her and seemed to think for a while.

“Please, I swear I just want to help” insisted Abby

“We don’t know you, you don’t know us” said Yara and then winced

“Are you ok?” asked Abby, trying to look at her closely

Yara held a hand in front of Abby

“I’m fine” lied Yara

“You aren’t, you fell before we came here” said Lev “is it your arm?”

“I can help, I swear, I don’t mean you any harm… just let me check” said Abby from a respectful distance

Yara observed her in silence for what must have been mere seconds but Abby felt very nervous under her scrutinizing stare. If Yara found her unworthy of trust then what could Abby do? She couldn’t leave them here, she had to save them. Time was running out and they needed to go away from this place. Eventually Yara nodded, even after Lev’s silent protest. Abby came to her side and observed her arm, she had a deep cut that Abby tried to clean and sew. She patched her up as best as she could, Mel would have done a better job but then again Mel was no longer here. She bit her lips and held her tears, she had been given another chance and already she was fucking everything up. She needed to do better.

“There” said Abby “will you… I know what you said but you can’t stay here, the place I know is safe, no one would hurt you there”

Yara looked at Lev and they both seemed to have an entire discussion right there, just looking at each other. 

“Ok” said Yara “we’ll follow you but we should at least know each other's name. I'm Yara, he's Lev”

"I'm Abby" said she

"We heard" said Lev

"What?" asked Abby

"That's what your friend called you" said Lev

"True" recognized Abby "now we should leave" 

Lev and Yara nodded.

Abby was relieved. She sighed and showed them the way. On the way to the aquarium they talked and the kids mentioned to her where they ran towards, vaguely mentioning the escape route they took. Abby was glad she had got to them in time. 

Once inside the aquarium Abby tried to focus on the good memories she had from that place but however hard she tried the images of Mel and Owen dead on the floor came once and again to her mind. It made her feel sick, the moment she entered the place where she had found them she had to kneel down as she vomited, the memory of the horrors was just that strong. 

"Are you alright?" asked Yara, coming near her

"Yeah, just a bit… unwell" said Abby

"Are you sick?" asked Lev

"No… it's just… I'm fine" said Abby "let me take you somewhere to rest while I'll talk with my friend"

"Are you sure they will be fine with us here?" asked Lev

"Of course he will" said Abby

She left the kids by the area with the sofas. To think that in another moment in her life, the last time she had been here was to convince Owen to go with her to Jackson. At least for Owen right now that was the last time Abby had visited this place. Abby sighed, thinking that she would have wanted to leave that thing alone but now it was too late, she had to try to just save her people. She went to talk to Owen, she did not expect him to shoot at some kids but she rather talk to him alone just in case. He was in the boat, just like before.

“That’s fucking cruel” said Owen and chuckled, he was moderately drunk “Isaac sends you after me”

Seeing him alive once more was too much for Abby, she didn’t even try to pretend she felt anything else but ecstatic. 

“Owen!”, cried Abby and ran to him, 

Owen stood up, slightly scared but Abby just hugged him strongly. He didn't react at first but then he slowly hugged her too. She held her tears as well as she could but his smell, his warmth, the feel of his arms around her was making not crying very hard. If this was a dream it felt damn real. When she pulled away he seemed confused.

“What’s up with you?” asked Owen

“You are alive”, said Abby as she sighed and hugged him again

“So, Isaac didn’t send you?”, asked Owen

Abby pulled back, rubbing a single tear that had escaped from her cheeks, shook her head in reply to his question and gave a step back.

“Look, I know that Danny said you spared a Seraphite, he was an asshole anyway, I don’t care, you are alive, that’s the important part”, said Abby

“So, he died”, said Owen

“Yes”, said Abby, “but you are alive, that is what I care about”

“Why are you so happy about that?”, asked Owen

“I already lost too much. Mel died, so did Manny, it’s my fault”, admitted Abby

“What?” asked Owen “Oh no”

“I knew you escaped and then I came here looking for you and so when they were attacked I wasn’t there, Mel died and then Manny was angry and went to try and avenge her but he got captured, I saved him and two kids too, but then other Seraphites got to him anyway. I saw him die right there in my face… I just…” said Abby

“It’s not your fault”, said Owen

“You don’t understand. I should have gone with them”, said Abby

“It’s still not your fault”, said Owen

He couldn’t get it, no one could, this nightmare was repeating itself, she had to make sure at least him and the kids could be safe.

“Look, I know you want to use this boat to get away” said Abby

“What? How do you know that?”, asked Owen, confused

“It doesn't matter, assume I just read your mind”, said Abby, “if you can take the kids and make sure they are safe too-”

“What kids?” asked Owen

“Oh, true, you havent met them yet”, said Abby and went to get them 

But she went to where she left them and saw that they were asleep so she went back to Owen.

“They are asleep, maybe tomorrow I’ll introduce you to them, seems they are ok, they are some Seraphite kids,” said Abby nonchalantly 

“Seraphites? You mean scars?” asked Owen

“Seraphites” corrected Abby

“Ok” said Owen furrowing his brows “since when do you call them that?”

“They are just kids, ok? Just trust me on this one”, begged Abby

Owen looked at her as if she were speaking an incomprehensible language.

“Look, I know what you think of me and my actions, that I should have stopped before… killing Joel” said Abby looking down 

When Abby looked at Owen once more, his face was almost comical. Owen opened his eyes so wide it seemed his eyeballs were going to fall from their sockets.

“What is going on here?, this booze is really something” said Owen

Abby sighed impatiently

“Of course you don’t believe me, I am honestly sorry… I mean… I brought this on myself probably, I mean that girl… her screaming for his life, screaming revenge… that was me in the hospital crying too, that was me” said Abby, remembering the wails of grief she heard from that redhead both on that day and at the beach as she spared Abby’s life

“I didn’t think you were even hearing her” said Owen

“I wasn’t paying much attention but I remember her face” said Abby and she wasn’t really lying, she could remember that sadness and loss

“As much as I am glad that you noticed this and that you are sorry… what does this have to do with what happened now with Manny and Mel?” asked Owen

“Those people in Jackson are here, I know they are hunting me down, but if you can keep the kids safe and I can go and confront them-” said Abby thinking that she was still in time, the Jackson people would probably arrive soon but she didn’t need to clarify to Owen that she knew they would be here in the near future.

“What? Abby, no” interrupted Owen

“I have to” said Abby “but I just have to make sure that the kids and you are ok, just take them, ok?”

“No, don’t face them, just come with me” said Owen and grabbed Abby’s hand

Abby looked at him and at his hand

“For once, come” said Owen

“But what if they follow us?” said Abby “remember me? Remember how I only wanted revenge? That girl… that girl is just like me, I made her like that, I have to face the consequences”

“No, we can leave and she would not know” said Owen

“She would”, insisted Abby.

Then Abby thought that the girl maybe would end up in Santa Barbara but what if she went to another place? She could use that information, that could be her chance to leave this nightmare behind her. 

“Unless we go to Catalina Island” suggested Abby

“Why would we go there?, I wanted to follow a lead of the Fireflies to Santa Barbara” said Owen

“I heard they left, another firefly” lied Abby “there is a dangerous group called the rattlers that are in Santa Barbara, we better never go there”

“How do you know this?” asked Owen

“I was told by a straggler” lied Abby

Owen narrowed his eyes

“Are you sure?” asked Owen

“Completely” said Abby “if you can get this boat ready, I can go get Nora, Nick, Jordan and Leah and we can go”

“Since when do you want to leave this place… you, the perfect wolf? Can you really leave this?” asked Owen confused but smiling

“Sure, fuck this place”, said Abby, “I hate this stupid war”

“Me too”, said Owen and hugged her, “I missed you”

Abby pulled back and looked elsewhere, starting to feel how her cheeks were growing hot. The memory of what happened, of what they had done here filled her with shame and lust. Mel hadn’t deserved that and she should have stopped it, even if Mel wasn’t here now she should go before she did that again. It was sort of unfair since she had already lived this, maybe it was better if she could focus on saving her friends, avoid unnecessary complications.

“We should probably rest, there is much to do", said Abby, looking at the door. She needed to leave immediately.

“Abby?” asked Owen “why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you, just tired” lied Abby “I should-”

“You are blushing” interrupted Owen in a voice she knew too damn well and he placed himself in front of the door, obstructing her way. Abby pressed her lips together, this wasn’t going well.

“I’m not, stop being stupid” said Abby, avoiding his eyes 

“I’m not, you are” teased Owen

Abby looked at him, annoyed.

“What the fuck? How dare you?”, asked Abby jokingly, “Stop being a dick”

“Stop being a chicken then” said Owen

“I’m not” said Abby weakly

He gave a step towards her, making her shiver. She had to leave, she could push him away and leave, she was capable and strong. She should have pushed him away but she didn’t want to. 

“Yes you are”, said Owen as he tilted his head and kissed her

Her resolve evaporated. Abby had missed him so much and even when she knew there was so much to be done she just couldn’t push him away, she wanted him, had wanted and missed him for so long. She couldn’t believe he was alive again even if her other friends had died, she felt so much joy that he was there, that he was holding her now, putting his hands on her face and caressing her. So she hugged him, holding onto him as if her life depended on it, kissed him and then they were soon stripping each other of their clothes. This time though, instead of turning her around and taking her from behind he pushed her to the bed and kissed her while he fucked her. 

Abby had barely peaked when she woke up. She was absolutely bewildered and it took her some seconds to realize she was again at the same morning of that same day.

  
 _How did this happen?_ , thought Abby.


	4. Despair

Manny was there again, telling her they had to go. Abby stood up and did the same as before. She grabbed the picture of her dad and medical provisions. Except this time Abby did go with Mel and Manny. When she saw Mel she wanted to cry but she held her tears. Seeing her alive, even if Mel detested her, was amazing. At the same time she felt shame again because of what had happened just seconds before she woke up. Again she had slept with Owen. Even if on this occasion Mel had died it was just terrible regardless. The first time she has slept with him while Mel still lived so she had really no excuse. Later, when they were reaching base she heard in the radio that a couple of trespassers were wreaking havoc. There were reports of Nick and others having died and while it could be scars they were not discarding that it was actually the trespassers. She felt her stomach drop and she immediately asked more details about the trespassers. They mentioned that it was two girls on a horse and two male trespassers. 

_They are here already? It can't be_ , thought Abby. Horrorized, she realized that maybe she did not know enough about these people and since when they were in Seattle.

"Is one of them a redhead?" asked Abby desperately

"I don't know" said the people on the radio,"we sent troops to deal with one of the male trespassers but we lost communication" 

Abby felt a shiver down her spine and it was like her blood turned to ice. She hadn’t known that that red haired demon was here already. She had hoped she would be there on the next day or so.

"What is it?" asked Manny, worried

Abby just shook her head. For some seconds she couldn’t say anything.

"Can you stop on the next block?" asked Abby to the driver

"Those aren't the orders" said the driver, surprised by her abrupt request

"I will report soon, it won't take so long, c'mon man" insisted Abby trying to sound normal

"Ok," said the driver. Being the best soldier around had its advantages and she planned on using them.

"Thanks, man" said Abby

"What are you doing?" asked Mel

Abby swallowed and came closer to them. She spoke in a lower voice so no one else would hear.

"It's the Jackson people, I have to deal with them" confessed Abby

"How do you know?" asked Mel

"I'll explain later" said Abby "just stay here and try and be safe, they are hunting down you guys too" 

"You are not going alone" said Manny

"No" said Abby firmly "Nora needs you Manny, and Owen needs you Mel"

Mel looked taken aback. 

"I don't even know where he is" said Mel

"You do" said Abby and looked at her firmly

With a heavy heart Abby accepted what this meant. Pushing Mel to him meant that she was letting Owen go, if Mel was there they wouldn't be together. Mel was excited to be a mother, Owen had started that relationship with her for a reason, she had to let him go. She might love Owen but being with him was just wrong. Saving Mel was more important. Her last words to Owen had been to remind him about what was important, it was time she heard her own self, she had to consider her priorities and her priorities were her friends now. She could see understanding dawning on Mel and when she nodded Abby knew she would go to him.

"Just be careful, please" begged Abby

"Abby, you are freaking me out" said Manny

"Me too, you seem… scared" said Mel

"Well, I am" admitted Abby looking at the place they were stopping at.

She didn't know if this was the last time she would see them. What did it matter if they saw her scared? They stopped and Abby went down.

"Just be careful, please" said Abby

"May your survival be long" said the people in the trick

Abby looked at them, confused. It seemed like she hadn't heard that in ages but of course for these people this was common. She had even heard that before they left the stadium but even then she had not replied as she should have.

"Actually I hope neither I nor you die, so" said Abby and shrugged before leaving

She got a glimpse of the confused stare that they all gave her but she didn't care. She had to find Lev and Yara, take them to safety and then go after Ellie. She had to kill her before she got to more of her friends. It didn't sit well to plan this buy Abby had to save her friends. She managed to track the place where she expected Lev and Yara would be but maybe her calculations were wrong because she didn't find them there. She kept looking for them and had to face many seraphites in the meantime. Everything seemed to be going fine but then suddenly she felt an arrow piercing her shoulder and she had to hide. Hurt and confused, she fought the seraphites that came to her and it seemed she had ended them all when someone behind her hit her head. She woke up as she was being dragged to be executed but to her surprise this was a different place and it was the wrong time too.

_No! I'm going to miss Lev and Yara_ , thought Abby

As she was being lifted and hanged she realized this meant she was going to be executed for real this time. Panicked, she tried to hold herself and not fall from the barrel she had been giving as support but then the woman that was in front of her took the knife and cut Abby open as she screamed and then was hanged.

  
  
  
  


Startled and frightened, Abby woke up again. Immediately she lifted her shirt, looked at her belly and touched it. There was no sign of a knife and her organs seemed to still be inside her.

_Well, that didn't work_ , thought Abby, shaken but relieved to be alive once more. Manny was talking but she couldn't possibly care less about what he had to say. _So going after them without being completely sure where they were was not a wise decision_ , thought Abby, _maybe I should go after Ellie instead, is she at the theater now or later? Maybe I'll do like my first try and hide where I know they will find Yara_

"Abby, I'm talking to you, why were you checking yourself now" said Manny

"Oh, you are still here? I'll go pick some stuff up and then we go for Mel, ok?" said Abby as she stood up

"How did you know?" asked Manny

"I just do" said Abby and she left for her room

Again she grabbed a picture of her dad, she was picking a different one each time, it was hard to choose. Then she did as the last time and followed them until she reached the base. She went in this time but then she asked Mel to talk before entering the base.

"Mel, I want to apologize, I know you think terribly of me and I don't blame you" said Abby "but… I just wanted to let you know that I think Owen is where you know, so if you go after him be careful"

Mel was taken aback.

"What is this? You suddenly had a change of heart?" asked Mel

Abby closed her eyes, Mel might be right but she couldn't hear this again. 

"Just be careful. I'm sorry" said Abby and left

"Where are you going?" asked Mel

"I have business to attend to" said Abby before leaving

Abby escaped and went again to hide where she knew she could meet Lev and Yara. This time there was no one to be hanged but the Seraphites were there and it seemed they had already hanged people before Abby arrived. She didn't remember things being like this but she couldn't help it now. When they brought Yara and were about to torture her she shot at them and at the woman. She waited until Lev came from the bushes before leaving her hiding place.

"Who's there?" asked Yara

"Show yourself" said Lev

"I don't mean any harm" said Abby as she slowly stood up, her arms up in the air in surrender.

"You are a wolf" said Lev and pointed his bow at her

"I honestly don't mean any harm" insisted Abby "please" 

"She saved me" said Yara "I just don't know why"

They heard the clickers and had to fight for their lives again. She didn't take them to the trailer now, she insisted already about her hiding place and managed to convince them to follow her following a similar argument than before. However in the way there Yara got her arm hurt because she fell from a certain height and Abby had to carry her. They talked more about their escape since Abby thought that information to be relevant. When they reached the aquarium, Yara said she could walk so Abby placed her down. This time she did not vomit, although the images in her head were still there she managed to at least not appear to be sick. Then Alice came barking at them, Abby had to keep her apart from the kids and try to calm her. Mel came to see what was happening.

  
  


"Hi" said Abby "these kids need help, they left their group, they need somewhere to hide" 

Mel looked confused at them. Owen came behind her.

"What's going on?" asked Owen

"These are my friends Owen and Mel" said Abby "they won't hurt you"

"How can we know that?" asked Yara pointing a gun at them. Lev had not lowered his bow either.

"They are wolves" said Lev “they always hurt us”

"They won't, in fact we're leaving the wolves" said Abby

"What?" asked Mel

"How did you know?" asked Owen at the same time.

"I just do, ok?" said Abby

Lev and Yara looked at them suspiciously.

"Why are you leaving your group?" asked Yara

"I don't want to fight over land" said Owen "I want to do something useful"

Yara and Lev looked at each other and then lowered their guns.

"Why are you leaving yours?" asked Mel

"We broke important rules" said Lev

"What rules?" asked Owen

"Appearance rules" said Lev

"What?" asked Owen

"It's not important" said Abby "Mel, could you please check on Yara, she got hurt"

“How?” asked Mel narrowing her eyes at Abby

“It wasn’t me” clarified Abby, remembering that Mel had suspected of her before

Mel didn't seem convinced but she accepted and checked her. Luckily this time it wasn't so bad but she needed to rest. Once she was sure she didn't need to go to the hospital to treat Yara then Abby felt she could now focus her attention elsewhere. They left Yara resting in a room and Abby got ready to leave.

"Where are you going?" asked Owen

"Not important" said Abby curtly, grabbing her backpack

"What do you mean?" asked Lev

"I just have to check on something" said Abby

"What is it?" asked Mel

"Just something" said Abby as she stood up

"You have been weird the whole day" said Mel "you disappear, then bring these kids, now you want to disappear again, what are you up to?"

"I just have stuff to take care of" said Abby 

"I can help" said Lev

"No, please stay, you…" Abby tried to think of something convincing to say "you have to check that Yara is ok"

"She's fine, she's asleep" said Lev

"I can go with you" said Owen

"Owen" complained Mel

"No, nobody is going with me" said Abby firmly "Owen, you have to repair this ship so you can go with Mel and the kids, I'm going alone" 

"But I'm a good fighter" complained Lev

"I don't have any doubts about that but this is something personal I have to deal with on my own" said Abby "please just stay here and protect Yara, there's people who could hurt her"

"I know but the Seraphites don't know about this place, she's safe" said Lev

"I don't mean them" said Abby

"Then who?" asked Lev

Abby sighed. There was no time or reason to explain to them all they could lose if Abby didn’t go.

"Look, Lev, it's best if you can go with them once the boat is ready" said Abby

"Why? Aren't you coming?" asked Lev

"Sure" said Abby and avoided looking at Mel "but first I have to deal with something"

"Stop being so mysterious and just tell us where you are going" insisted Mel

"It's better if you don't know" said Abby as she closed the door and left

She remembered quite well the way to the theater. It was a horrible memory that made her sick but she had to make sure this time Ellie would be killed. As she was getting near it, she had to face a few wolves and Seraphites but she managed to kill them without much problem. But then one Seraphite hit her from behind and she could already see herself having to start all over again as the hammer that man was carrying was going to fall on her head when the man got shot by an arrow and she used that distraction to punch and then kill him. 

To her frustration she saw that the one who had saved her was Lev, obviously.

"Lev… I told you… uh, never mind" said Abby

They never listened to her.

"But I just saved you" said Lev

"You did," said Abby gratefully.

She looked at him. He had no idea of how much he had saved her. He just tilted his head to the side and furrowed his brow.

"So, what is this mission of yours?" asked Lev

Abby sighed

"You shouldn't have come" said Abby

"Are you going to tell me or not?" asked Lev, ignoring what Abby had said

Abby closed her eyes and shook her head

"Look, Lev, I'm not a good person" said Abby

"You helped us" said Lev

"But you don't know me well enough…" insisted Abby "years ago a man killed my father and I looked for that man for years. I found him this year and killed him"

Lev was surprised but he nodded

"It's understandable" said Lev, not very convinced

Abby shook her head

"By accident someone from his family saw this, they are after me and my friends now" said Abby

"What do you mean by accident?" asked Lev

"The girl followed us to where we were, she saw me kill that man" said Abby "and now she's killing my friends"

Lev looked conflicted.

"Was this girl his daughter?" asked Lev

Abby looked down

"I don't know… it's possible" admitted Abby "this is why I have to do this alone. She could hurt you"

The memory of Ellie threatening Lev's life even when he was in such terrible shape was not something Abby could forget even if she had wanted to. 

"Why would she hurt me?" asked Lev

"Because you came with me" said Abby "so it's best if you let me do this alone, do you understand?"

Lev nodded but didn't speak. He was probably disgusted by her.

_It's better this way_ , thought Abby, _this way he won't follow me here_

Abby nodded too and left. She finally got to the theater and climbed to get to the window where the radio was. To her surprise she found the window was blocked.

_Strange. It wasn't like this that time_ , thought Abby

She started pushing to open it up but soon after that she heard some noise. She continued pushing and then, when she was going to put her hand to push the blockade to the side, she heard a gunshot. Luckily the person had missed or it may have been a warning.

"Please go away”, screamed Ellie, “just leave us alone!”

"You shouldn't have come if you wanted to be left alone", yelled Abby, 

She really didn't feel right about killing this girl but maybe it was the only way to stop her from killing Owen and Mel and who knows who else.

"I know what I did, and even if I am sorry you are not going to stop so I have to stop you, I can’t let you kill my friends", yelled Abby remembering that this girl killed her friends

"I don’t care about you or your friends anymore, just leave us alone, don’t touch my family, please just go" screamed Ellie

"Why are you here if not to kill me?" yelled Abby

"I'm just here for my family, I just want to protect them" yelled Ellie

"She sounds sincere" whispered Lev

Lev startled her. Abby looked at him. Of course he had followed her here too. Despite how much she wanted to, she had no time to reprehend him now, there were more important things to do.

"You don't know what she's capable of" said Abby to Lev

"Get away from here, I don't want to kill you, you also have a kid, right? Think about that" said Ellie 

Abby was perplexed. How could she know?

"How…?" wondered Lev "maybe she heard me"

This was becoming weirder than it already was but she couldn't believe that murderous redhead just like that. Abby pushed more to try and enter. The girl shot again

“Please, just go” said her, her voice loud and shaky “don’t come in, I’ll shoot, I don’t want to but I will, I have to protect them”

"She’s terrified of you", said Lev

"I know”, admitted Abby, "she terrifies me too"

Abby observed the place and saw a bottle, she grabbed it and turned to look at Lev.

“I don’t care what happens inside there, you don’t follow me”

“But-”

“No, you stay here, don’t move, that girl will murder you, stay here”

“But isn’t it better that I help you then?”

“No, promise me you stay here, I can handle her” 

It didn’t feel like the truth but Abby tried to sound convincing. Lev narrowed his eyes at her but Abby steadily looked at him and waited. Eventually he nodded and Abby released a breath she had been nervously holding. Abby held the bottle in her hand, pushed with her body to widen the opening so she could enter and threw the bottle at the direction of where the shoots were coming but Ellie was fast and evaded it. Abby had not calculated this so she ended up being shot by Ellie in her shoulder. The impact of the bullet made Abby recoil but she still tried to point her gun to Ellie but she was faster and shot at her hand. Despite the intense pain, Abby tried to attack Ellie but the redhead shot at her leg next. Abby groaned in pain but looked at Ellie defiantly. To her surprise Ellie still looked terrified, and that seemed to be so out of place that it gave Abby pause. The one who was hurt and vulnerable was her, why was this girl scared? She wasn't like this last time, where was her rage, her hate, her fire and her deadly precision? 

"Please, you can still go" insisted Ellie, her gun still pointed at Abby "I don't have to kill you"

_She's lying_ , thought Abby narrowing her eyes at Ellie

"You can still turn around and leave" said Ellie without losing her grip on her gun

Abby mulled over this. For a second she did turn and was about to leave but then the memory of Mel and Owen frozen stares and the pool of blood underneath them came to her mind. No, this girl had to be stopped. Abby had been given another chance and she couldn't allow this woman to kill her people. Whatever trickery was this she couldn't fall for it. Ellie had forgiven her in the end but that was an older person, this one was the younger Ellie, the one who would kill her friends. Right at that moment Abby saw a brick by the window. She put her healthy hand on the window, pretending she was about to leave but then she grabbed that brick and threw it towards Ellie's face. It seemed like Ellie had been lowering her gun and that Abby's action was unexpected because this time the brick hit her in the face and she stumbled back. Abby lounged towards her, Ellie tried to grab another gun but Abby hit her hand and she punched Ellie in the face several times. She ended up on top of Ellie and put her hands on Ellie's neck. Ellie looked terrified and tried to remove Abby's hands from her neck but Abby was stronger. Then she mumbled something and Abby couldn't get it. For a second her stare changed from frightened to sad and Abby found that odd but she didn't loosen her grip on her, this woman had to die here. Then Abby felt a poignant pain in her belly that made her loosen her grip on Ellie, who proceeded to slit Abby's throat with a switchblade. Abby stumbled backwards trying to cover her wound but she knew she was going to die.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" said Ellie the moment she recovered her breath "you didn't give me a choice, I'm sorry"

Ellie was sitting and looking at Abby in horror, as if she was watching her own self dying. Abby fell on the floor and felt her strength abandoning her. The redhead then came and hovered over Abby, looking panicked and desperate.

“Fuck, I can’t… I shouldn’t have… the boy… I’m sorry” said Ellie with her hands over Abby but not touching her, just shaking uncontrollably.

As everything became darker and darker she heard Lev's voice as if it was something that was far away.

"Abby!" screamed Lev

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" repeated Ellie like a chant and then darkness engulfed her.

  
  
  


Abby woke up again in the same place. 

"Ugh" complained Abby

_How many times is this going to happen?_ , thought Abby, _maybe if I just try and find Ellie first, she can't be a threat to my family if I can get to her first_

There was something off about Ellie but then again, originally she had seen her two days after this. She had not met her on this day last time. Perhaps something happened in that lapse of time that made the redhead more lethal. Maybe right now she had more doubts. Whatever the case she was going to murder Mel and Owen and Abby couldn't allow that. There were no clear indications about where Ellie was. The only place she knew was the theater so she went there and waited. Eventually she heard Ellie and that other girl coming in. She waited until Ellie would come upstairs and when she opened the door of the radio room Abby shot her before she could react.

  
  
  


To her surprise and dismay she woke up in the same place once more.

_What? Why? Was I shot?_ , thought Abby, _maybe the other girl got to me_

Again, she repeated the day. Pretending to agree with Manny, talking to Mel and escaping to the theater but this time Ellie didn't show up. As time passed she realized she couldn't wait anymore, the window of opportunity to save Lev and Yara was closing so she had to leave and focus again on saving the people she could save, maybe she should try the theater later. She got to Lev and Yara and did pretty much the same as before except this time she asked Lev and Yara more details about their escape, just in case. This time she also told Lev the truth at the aquarium before leaving, hoping he wouldn't follow her. Even then, he did follow but now as she was trying to reach the place to climb to the radio room in the theater Lev and her activated some hidden bombs and blew to pieces.

  
  


Abby woke up horrified. Seeing him dying like that filled her with hopelessness and sadness like nothing had before in her life. Not even the deaths of Owen and Mel had caused her this pain.

"Abby, what's going on?" asked Manny "why are you crying?"

Words were failing her, Abby was unable to even mumble. She could only think of Lev and how futile it all seemed. The more she tried to save her people the messier it got. Was there even hope? She just ignored Manny and went to the upper floor, closed her eyes and threw herself from there. She could barely hear Manny's screams as she fell to her death.

Again, she woke up in the same bed. She was angry and desperate. Was there an end to all this? She went to another building, ignoring absolutely everyone and did the same. She woke up in the same place, again. 

She repeated this countless times, going to different places to throw herself from and shooting at herself with different guns and the result was the same. Every fucking time she would just wake up in that damn library, on that same day, regardless of what she did. Then, she was exhausted. She woke up grunting, angry and frustrated. Trying to kill herself was so pointless. Everything was senseless and she felt she was losing her mind. She had to do something differently. If she was truly waking up every time she was killed she had to be able to learn something in between. So far she had some clearer idea of where the kids could be and she could make sure that Mel would be safe if she could convince her to go to the aquarium already.

“Are you ok, Abby?” asked Manny

“Yeah, just… I hate this book” said Abby and threw it away. She didn’t but she had to invent something

“Then don’t read it” advised Manny “stop doing stuff you hate”

“I should,” said Abby and actually chuckled at the irony of how well that fit the situation she was in. 

Abby followed Manny until they met Mel, grabbing a picture of her dad on the way as well as medication and lots of ammunition. But before they left she asked them to talk a bit apart from the rest. 

“Guys I have a favor to ask” said Abby

Mel looked annoyed and Manny looked confused.

“What is it?” asked Mannny

“Mel, I think you should go and look for Owen, skip this mission, you know where he is” said Abby

“What do you mean? I have no idea where he is” said Mel

“You do, think about Christmas” said Abby

Mel opened her mouth and nodded.

“How do you know?” asked Mel

“It’s not relevant, I just know he is hurt and needs you” said Abby and before Mel could ask more questions she looked at Manny “Manny, I can’t go with you either, but if you can get to Nora and tell her to meet us at the aquarium I could never thank you enough”

“But that would mean disobeying orders, we never do that” said Manny

“I know but maybe we should have” said Abby 

Mel was surprised and Manny seemed confused.

“Please” begged Abby “I know I fucked up but I swear this is different”

Mel and Manny looked at each other.

“Ok,” said Manny

Abby sighed.

“Thank you” said Abby

After that, Abby went to the dining sector and saw Jordan.

“Jordan, can I talk to you?” asked Abby

“Sure” said Jordan

“Uhm, somewhere else” said Abby

Jordan furrowed his brow but followed her to a less crowded area.

“What is it?” asked Jordan

“Do you know where Leah is?” asked Abby

“She should be at the TV station” said Jordan

“Do you think you can go and get her and then meet us near the marina?” asked Abby

“What?” asked Jordan “I have orders to go somewhere else” 

“Maybe you can forget about them today” suggested Abby

“Abby, what is up with you?” asked Jordan “since when do you disobey orders?”

“Jordan I swear this is more important, it is about surviving this mess” insisted Abby

“Why?” asked Jordan and turned to leave “we have important things to do **here** ”

“This is more important, can you please listen to me?” begged Abby

“Look, just because we have history I am just going to ignore what you said but next time I will tell Isaac” said Jordan

“Jordan, wait!” insisted Abby “just… please just… can you please listen?”

“I’m busy, and so are you, don’t ruin what we have here, we have worked so hard for it, you have worked so hard for it” said Jordan in a menacing tone

“What is the point of working hard for something that will get you killed?” said Abby desperately

“Are you planning on running away, Abby? And then go where?” asked Jordan

Abby widened her eyes at this and was about to answer but it seemed Jordan knew her too well.

“Oh my god, you are going after the fireflies, aren’t you? What kind of moron are you?” 

“Jordan, this is who we were, this is where hope lies, don’t you want to try?”

“No” replied Jordan with a snarl on his face “as you said, that is who we were, we are wolves now, and I at least am not a traitor and you better be careful. If you keep talking like that I might confuse you for one”

Abby swallowed and let him go this time. Jordan was always such an asshole but she was just trying to save his ass. For a second she contemplated hitting him and taking him by force but he was already gone. 

_I need to get to the Jackson people before they get to him, that is my only hope_ , thought Abby

She left the stadium and tracked down the kids. Everything went better this time and Abby was becoming hopeful because it seemed she knew enough now to keep her people safe. She took the kids to the aquarium and this time Yara was doing better, she had only a minor injury in her arm. It seemed like it was impossible to get her without being injured a little bit but at least it was not that bad. Mel and Owen were there and seemed fine. The only problem was that Manny and Nora weren’t there. So she told them she was going to go and get them. The kids wanted to help her but she said it was better not to come because her friends were also former wolves and they could react badly, she asked them to stay and protect Mel instead because some people were after them all including Mel. She knew that appealing to their protective sense could work. She didn’t want to manipulate them but if that would keep them safe and avoid their deaths then so be it. As she was going back to the main base she saw a bomb exploding and heard wolves discussing trespassers. For a second she wondered if she should go after them or just go and pick her friends up and leave but then she remembered Lev being blown to pieces and she decided she had to stop Ellie so she went towards that bomb. She was trying to be quiet about it and she even managed to go undetected. 

Suddenly she heard someone familiar screaming and it seemed that noise was coming from a building up there. It was Nora. She ran desperately towards the screams but when she got to the upper floor all was silent. There were no walls here and just that thought made her nauseous. She still feared heights despite Lev’s advice. The first thing she saw was Manny’s body and a couple of steps near him, Nora’s. 

“No” she whispered and went to them “No, no, no, no”

It was the same nightmare again. She checked on them and they weren’t breathing, it was too late. This was her fault again, maybe she shouldn’t tell them anything, maybe had she not insisted on them going to the aquarium they could live. She was so frustrated and sad she barely noticed that someone was behind her. Just in time, she evaded some strange weapon made out of nails and a club. She took out her gun but was shot in the hand by Ellie. She backed, trying to get away but she was too near the border and as she looked down she started to feel nauseated and dizzy again. That second of distraction was all that Ellie needed and she pushed Abby with her club and Abby fell down screaming. As she was falling she briefly saw Ellie’s face. She wasn’t angry or even happy, she seemed sad or even scared and, just before losing sight of her, she seemed remorseful.

Abby woke up again in the same place. She sighed. This was not working. She had to change her strategy.


	5. Turning point

This time Abby avoided telling Manny anything about her plans, she only spoke to Mel about them and convinced her to go after Owen and briefly mentioned the island where the Fireflies actually were, as well as the rattlers they should avoid. By now she had accepted that Owen and her would never happen again and thus, pushing Mel to him almost didn’t even cause pain anymore. Then she went for the kids, saved them, they fought their way through all the infected, tried to evade the Seraphites as much as they could and arrived at the aquarium. On the way there she tried to be even more honest about herself so that the kids would not go after her. Somehow, this backfired because they seemed to grow even more attached to her but she begged them to stay there, in particular Yara, since again she had hurt her arm although it was not a serious injury like the first time. When they were at the aquarium Abby realized that Alice wasn’t there. Mel told her that she died protecting her from Seraphites. It was great that Mel had made it but Alice’s death still saddened her. Why were things changing all the time? If she kept restarting the day and there were these many variables then how could she make sure she would make it right? It was a daunting task and Abby was starting to doubt if she was truly up for this challenge. Trying to put these thoughts behind her, Abby quietly left without any explanation and went to the theater. She was more careful this time and could detect the bombs Ellie had placed. When she saw the bombs she threw bricks and bottles but it seemed this would not activate them. 

“What are you doing?” asked Lev coming next to her

Abby almost jumped. Why were these kids like that?

“Why are you here?” asked Abby

“It seemed you were scared, I thought you needed help” said Lev

“Of course you did,” said Abby and sighed. He couldn’t possibly know how distressed or scared she was but it was obvious she had failed in hiding all her emotions. That or he was more perceptive than she thought.

“That’s what I am saying” said Lev

“Never mind” said Abby “Please, just stay away, stay hidden… there’s dangerous people inside, in particular if you see a girl with auburn hair, run”

“Why?” asked Lev

“Just, don’t even face her, just run and hide” said Abby “please”

Lev narrowed his eyes at Abby but he nodded.

“Why don’t I believe you?” mumbled Abby

“I don’t know,” said Lev, genuinely puzzled.

_ Because you never listen _ , though Abby

Abby cautiously went to the front door and of course it was blocked so she hid behind some cars and waited. Not long after that she heard some noises and then as the door opened she almost trembled in fear as Ellie came from the door and asked someone to block it behind her. Ellie hid behind some pillars and looked around. There she was, that demon of a woman, that girl who was hunting down her friends and her. That woman who had freed her and Lev. So many conflicted emotions surged inside Abby at seeing this redhead. There was something fundamentally wrong in killing the woman that - despite everything else she had done - was the cause Lev and her were alive. Even if that was in another moment in time that Abby was trying to avoid, this woman had freed her. However she was also Owen’s murderer, she needed to save her friends. Perhaps if she could hold her, tie her up and talk to her she could convince her to leave them alone. She had thought that this could be a viable idea but now that Lev was here she feared Ellie might kill him or that Lev would disapprove of her plan. She thought she could perhaps explain herself to Lev but before she gathered the courage to speak to him that creature spoke.

“Abby? Lev?” said Ellie in a loud voice “are you there?”

Abby froze in place. What the fuck was happening?

“How does she know my name?” asked Lev. Abby opened her mouth but just shook her head.

“I don’t want any trouble, I just came for my family, then we’re gone, just leave us alone” said Ellie with a tremor in her voice

“She’s terrified of you”, said Lev

“I know”, said Abby and sighed, this woman was a nightmare but she was very much aware that she had played a large part in her becoming like this. She had infected her, not with the Cordyceps but with hate. 

“As much as you are terrified of her” noted Lev

Abby nodded. There was no point in hiding this truth.

“I can hear you, I know you are there” said Ellie “please both of you leave me alone, my girlfriend is pregnant, just let us go, please” 

“How do you know my name?”, asked Lev although Abby tried to shush him

“I just do, you wouldn’t believe me anyway” said Ellie

That sentence, its content and the tone she used as she uttered those words gave Abby pause. Everything became even more bizarre than what it already was, because this reminded Abby of herself when she was trying to dismiss her friends every time she mentioned things she shouldn't know and she only did because she was back on this fateful day.

_ There is no way she could know his name _ , wondered Abby,  _ is she back too? _ She felt compelled, no, forced to know, she had to find out if by any chance this creature was suffering the same fate she was.

“Do you remember the beach?” asked Abby. Lev gave her a curious look but Abby was more focused on Ellie’s reaction now, she needed to know what she would say.

“What?” asked Ellie and she sounded surprised

“Let’s talk, I won’t try anything funny”, said Abby

“No, just go away, I don’t even want to see you” said Ellie “just let us be”

“I have no fondness for you either but we need to talk, do you remember the beach?” insisted Abby

“How the hell can you know about that? Are you talking about the rattlers? My fingers? Drowning?” asked Ellie sounding even more puzzled

_ She knows _ , thought Abby. She was not crazy, this was indeed happening to someone else, it wasn’t just her. 

“You spared me, let’s talk” said Abby

“No, go away, just go, please just go, you are just going to kill my family” said Ellie with a shaky and nervous voice

“I don’t care about your family”, said Abby

“You killed Joel, so you do” said Ellie

With a hand on her forehead, Abby reconsidered the situation, it probably wasn't smart of her to attempt to talk with this woman but she really didn't seem to have a choice now. If her suspicions were correct and in spite of their past deeds the situation required for them to talk about this right now.

“Who’s Joel?” asked Lev, he wasn’t speaking too loud but Ellie heard him

“My father”, replied Ellie and that old grief was there, just as aching and torturous as the time at the beach.

Abby closed her eyes and sighed. She had known this, in a way she had known. It wasn’t a coincidence, that girl was just like she was. Then she opened her eyes and saw Lev’s eyes were searching hers questioningly. He seemed surprised and confused and internally she thanked him for not looking at her with hate or disgust.

“He was... he killed my dad…” said Abby both to Ellie and Lev, “I know it’s not an excuse”

“I see”, said Lev simply but - luckily for Abby - without sounding repulsed or horrified

“Look” said Abby “I just want to talk, if you remember all that then I need to talk to you”

Ellie didn’t answer and seconds stretched uncomfortably into minutes. Then slowly Abby looked at her direction. Ellie was pointing at her but she did not shoot. She was just looking at her with a quizzical and apprehensive stare. Abby stood up, observing her attentively and raising her hands in surrender.

“I just want to talk” said Abby carefully, similar to a way she would talk to a wild animal. 

“Ok,” said Ellie and slowly put down her gun

Abby was standing up but then someone shot wounding her shoulder and - without even thinking about what she was doing - she immediately shot at the guy who had come from the door, killing him. Ellie screamed in horror and shot at Abby in the face.

Once more, Abby woke up in the same place, with the book laying on her chest. So Ellie was also back, this complicated things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am wondering if someone out there has come up with the reason why there are some changes, I have my own but maybe someone else has another hypothesis.


	6. Facing the enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be swearing here but then you already knew this, probably

Ellie woke up again in the same room. She was not sure if she had been killed but lately she had been re-starting this day so often she did not really understand what the rules of this situation were anymore. As always she hugged Dina strongly - incredibly glad and grateful to see she was still there - and they ended up entangled and fucking. Ellie really liked this part of the resetting but the rest, no so much. The only other advantage of the resetting was that each time she was finding new manuals and had learned new tricks, moves and locks and she had tried some of these. She now knew how long she could leave someone unconscious and how much time that gave her. She didn’t want to leave a pile of bodies behind her this time if she could avoid it. Despite her wishes, the people she encountered sometimes gave her no choice, least of all Abby.

The first time she had to face Abby, she didn't remember dying either. She had believed that Abby would indeed leave but then the next second Abby was strangling her. It was not in her plans to kill her but she also didn't want to die again, so this nightmarish situation forced her to kill that blonde braided bitch. She wondered if that boy had then killed her because after Abby exhaled she had started the day again. No part of Ellie enjoyed killing Abby but at the moment she was just trying to save herself. She immediately regretted it, particularly when she saw the face that boy made as he entered the room. If that boy had killed her there, she probably deserved it. 

Despite reliving the same day things were always a bit different, like the time Abby was waiting for them at the theater - which made Ellie consider setting bomb traps around their hiding place, after which her days restarted for no apparent good reason - or that other time they got delayed by scars before they reached the theater, then there was that time they were attacked by Nora and Manny and she had to kill them so they would not kill Jesse and then somehow she had to face Abby. It had become clear that Abby had no intentions to spare her so Ellie had no reasons to believe she would spare her friends. For that reason the moment she saw that blond bitch of hell she was so afraid Abby would kill Jesse again if she saw him that she knew that, despite her reservations right now, she couldn't spare her. The moment she realized Abby seemed afraid of the heights she didn’t hesitate to push her towards her death but as she was falling Ellie had the strange feeling that was completely wrong and that she should not have done that. Once more, she remembered the kid and felt bad for him, wasn't she condemning that child if she killed Abby? She wished she hadn't done that. To her surprise she had again woken up on the same morning after that. She wondered if maybe one of Abby’s friends had killed her and she just didn’t notice. When Abby shot Jesse, Ellie didn't think, she just shot her. The shock and horror of seeing Jesse dying again and particularly at him dying at Abby’s hands again had been too much for her and made her act before thinking. This last time, perhaps the boy had killed her. Why this was happening and how this thing worked was not clear and that disturbed her. But then the fact that Abby was also back, that was the most frightening part. No wonder she kept on finding them. 

Maybe she needed a new strategy. She went after Jesse and Tommy and then left them all at another hiding point. They couldn’t use the theater anymore, Abby knew they were there. She tried to be really quick about it all and then she went straight to the aquarium. Before leaving, she told both Tommy and Jesse that Dina was sick but not to bother her and that she needed them to take care of her and then she said she was just going very quickly to look for medical supplies. As she reached the aquarium she had to stop before trying to enter. Once again she had to try and breath in and out several times, this place was in her nightmares and now she was forced to go in again. She didn’t even realize she had been crying until she put a hand on her face. She rubbed her face clean and she tried to regain her calm although she felt nauseous and eventually was forced to empty the contents of her stomach. After that, she managed to gather her forces to get in. Once inside, she was surprised that this time the dog wasn’t there, she would have tried to lock it somewhere otherwise. She tried to be careful, perhaps it was in another room but in the end she didn’t find it. She found Mel and Owen but she did not want to kill them. Instead she knocked Mel unconscious once she was alone, tied her to a chair and locked the room. Then she went after Owen and also knocked him unconscious and tied him pretty well to a chair. 

Not so long after that Abby arrived, not with one kid but with two, and one of them was hurt. Owen was waking up but she had gagged him so he could not talk. 

“Shush it or I’ll kill you” whispered Ellie as she placed the gun on his neck, so that he would believe her threat wasn’t empty, although it was.

They were at the doors of one room, hidden by the shadows observing as Abby was coming to the aquarium.

“Stay where you are, I have Owen” yelled Ellie

Abby stopped

“No, don’t shoot” said Abby to the kids. She said other things to the kids but Ellie couldn't get it.

“Leave them out of this” said Abby and placed herself in front of the kids

“It’s up to you, you make them part of this” said Ellie

“Please stay” said Abby to the kids and Ellie would have sworn there was fear in her voice.  _ I’m not going to hurt kids _ , then she remembered with shame she once almost did. She tried to push the thought aside since she needed to look convincingly menacing now for this to work but she felt disgusted with herself for ever threatening that boy.

“Can I approach you now? I just want to see that he’s alive” said Abby

“You can but not too much or I’ll kill him” Ellie was bluffing but Abby didn’t need to know that.

Abby came closer and then looked at them. She seemed relieved to see Owen was alive.

“I’m sorry” she said to Owen

“No, you are not” said Ellie “you started this, you kept going after me”

“I didn’t start this, Joel did, he killed my dad” replied Abby angrily

“Well, I'm sorry…. I know Joel wasn’t the best person in the world but Joel was family, he was my… he was  _ my _ dad, you murdered my dad” said Ellie trying to hide her pain but by the look Abby gave her she realized she wasn’t entirely successful. To her relief, Abby tried to hide the pity in her eyes as soon as she could. They were not in any sort of situation that would allow either of them to pretend to give a damn about the other’s well being, it would be an insult to their intelligence to suggest otherwise. Ellie continued talking, “but even then and whether you believe me or not I don’t give a shit about you anymore. I just want you to leave us alone, leave my family alone”

Owen looked at her in surprise and Ellie heard the kids gasping.

“You are hunting down my friends” said Abby

“I am defending my people” clarified Ellie, “your friends just shoot first and never ask, they shoot at anyone, I’m just here for my friends, then I will be gone but you keep chasing us”

“Because you came here to kill us” said Abby

“Are you dense?” asked Ellie “I am telling you I don’t care about you, had I wanted to kill you now I would have, I just want you to leave us alone”

“Do you really not care about this anymore?” asked Abby tilting her head and sounding incredulous

"No, I don't! How fucking stupid are you? Do you need a dictionary? Are you just brainless?" yelled Ellie impatiently "and who was the asshole who went to look for me to shoot me in the face?"

"You shot me too!" yelled Abby "you slit my throat, you pushed me from a goddamn building for fuck's sake!"

Owen was looking at both of them as if they were demented and making noises that resembled questions but both ignored him. The kids were whistling and even when Ellie had no idea what they were trying to say, it was obvious to her that they probably also thought poorly of her and Abby’s state of mind. Who could blame them, really?

"It was in self defense!" yelled Ellie

"No, it wasn't, you still want to kill me" insisted Abby

"I don't give three flying fucks about you, get over yourself" replied Ellie

"You are the asshole who needs to get over this, you keep coming after us" insisted Abby

“I don’t care about your fucking face, in fact, I wish I would never see it again, I would even want to remove my eyeballs and throw them to the fishes so I won’t see that pathetic face of yours” said Ellie

“If they bother you that much I can remove them for you if that is what you want, and while I am at it, why don’t I remove that witless head too? It would solve my problems for sure” replied Abby, growling menacingly

Ellie was fuming and losing her patience.

“You know what? This is pointless” said Ellie and she removed the gag from Owen and then patted his shoulder “can you please tell this bitch here that I don’t give a fuck about her?”

“Uhm” said Owen extremely confused “I think she understands you”

“No, she fucking doesn’t, haven’t you heard? She thinks she is so special that people can’t get over her” mocked Ellie

“Uhm… I think you two must be high, your whole conversation makes no sense” commented Owen

“I’m not high” said Abby

“No, just incredibly dumb” said Ellie

“Fuck you” said Abby

“With a poor vocabulary too” mocked Ellie

“You came all the way here to kill us, are you going to deny that? You even have him tied here” said Abby

“No, you know what, I was just walking around and stumbled upon the most idiotic militaristic assholes in the whole universe because that is fun” mocked Ellie

“Answer me, you insufferable bitch” insisted Abby

“I… came… here… for… my… family” said Ellie slowly as if she was reading a story to a small child “and last time I checked, my family didn’t include some ravenous bitch with a braid, so no, I didn’t came here for you this time”

“This time but you admit now that the first time you did” insisted Abby

Ellie sighed dramatically. She might have a point there.

“Fine, I did, so what? I wanted to murder you, with a golf club, an axe, a hammer, a paper clip, whatever was at hand” confessed Ellie “happy?”

Both Abby and Owen flinched when Ellie mentioned the golf club.  _ Do these guys regret that?,  _ wondered Ellie but she had no time to think about these things.

“What?” asked Owen and looked at both of them, “what the hell is going on here?”

“Why would that make me happy?” asked Abby

“Maybe  _ I _ am high” mumbled Owen

“Well, you wanted a confession, there you go, I confessed, now will you leave me alone?” asked Ellie

“You just told me you want to murder me, you fucking idiot!” yelled Abby

“I DID, past tense, are you familiar with that? Fuck, is your education poor” replied Ellie mockingly “since you don’t seem to understand, let me explain it to you, it means it’s in the past and no longer the case, get it?”

She spoke again as if she were talking to a small child. The kids in the back started whistling to each other again and she would have sworn she had heard one of them chuckling but Abby was not amused.

"You expect me to believe you came all the way here with that plan and then suddenly changed your mind?" questioned Abby

"I mean after realizing how stupid you are I kinda think that's punishment enough, don't you think?" said Ellie

Owen chuckled, making Abby's gaze focus on him.

"What?" said him, defensively under Abby's reproachful stare "that was a good one and this whole affair must be a dream anyway"

"Your boy here is damaged" commented Ellie pointing at him with one hand while still pointing her gun at Abby with the other.

"You are both damaged, that or drunk, I can't say" said Owen

"Just stay out of this" replied Abby dismissively. 

“Abby, despite how bizarre this whole thing is, I think she just wants you to leave her be” commented a girl’s voice

“Yeah” said the boy “I think you should let her go”

Abby rolled her eyes and turned her head to talk to the kids

“I don’t even have her tied” explained Abby

“Please listen to your kids, they have more sense than you” insisted Ellie

“Actually, we’re not her kids” clarified the boy

Abby rolled her eyes again and sighed.

“Damn, I don’t even like you but that was painful, dude, even your kids reject you” mocked Ellie

“Shut the fuck up” replied Abby “that is none of your business”

“True, your family problems are the last thing on my mind, I just want you to stop going after me” then remembering something Ellie added “but still don’t take them to Santa Barbara, that place sucks”

Abby blinked and then furrowed her brow while her jaw tensed even more. 

“How did you-?” asked Owen

“I know that but that is still not your business” interrupted Abby but she seemed taken aback, Ellie herself wasn’t sure why she had said it. Abby was right, it was not her business but Ellie still didn’t want that kid to suffer.

“Fine but my family is not  _ your _ business either so just get the fuck out of my face” yelled Ellie

“You are the one who came here, tied my friend and maybe murdered my other friend, where’s Mel?” asked Abby

“She’s in other room, I didn’t kill her, didn’t even kill your dog for fuck’s sake” said Ellie, feeling apalled and remorseful at the memory of what she had once done but trying to hide this from this woman.

“I don’t believe you” said Abby

Ellie was about to answer but then they heard someone shooting and Abby went to see what it was. 

“Yara!” Abby screamed in horror 

Ellie peeked and saw the body of a girl on the floor and Tommy coming towards them. 

_ No!,  _ thought Ellie. If she could she would stop time but then Abby shot him at the same time Lev did and they both aimed true, killing him. Ellie screamed and was about to shoot at Abby when Lev killed her.

  
  


Ellie woke up again at the same place. She should probably just try to avoid Abby, that strategy was also worthless. It only caused frustration although she had to recognize that frustration was better than terror. Somehow talking to her, even if it was just to spew curses at each other, made Abby seem slightly less terrifying than before. Without a doubt, Abby was deadly and could easily kill her and her friends and she was aware that she needed to keep her family as far away from Abby as possible but even then she now felt a bit more human and less of an unavoidable catastrophe. She was still dangerous, so Ellie needed to find a way to be more effective, this last run had been a complete failure. What was worse, Tommy had somehow tracked her down and ended up getting himself killed. She had to be better this time. She hugged Dina strongly and hoped she could make this right. She kissed her deeply and she responded with a happy moan that made Ellie hot and joyful. Her lovely mornings with Dina were truly the only good part of this continuous reset of her life. 

This time she focused on just getting her people to a safe place and avoiding the wolves as much as she could. But she couldn’t truly avoid them because they kept shooting at them so she was forced to leave some unconscious and in desperate cases, even kill some of them. She hated Seattle, she wished she could just get back home and let all these people eventually vanish from her memory. Once she had her people in a safe place she did her best to convince them to leave and it seemed this time things were going well. They had found an old museum where to hide and Ellie was blocking all entrances while Dina and the guys rested before leaving when she heard someone coming by the window. She went to investigate and the noise was coming from a room right next to the one she had just finished blocking. To her utter dismay she saw that blonde braid of hell coming through the window. Immediately she blocked the door to where her friends were and pointed her gun at her enemy.

“Get the fuck out” said Ellie

She didn’t want to scream so that her friends wouldn’t come and die again.

Abby sighed and turned around, not even holding her arms up.

“I just want to talk” said Abby

“What is there to say?” said Ellie “get out, let me go”

“You are still a menace to my friends” said Abby

“Because they keep coming after me, what am I supposed to do? Let them kill my people? Let them kill me? No fucking way, I just end up in the same place every time I die” explained Ellie

“You too?” asked Abby, honestly surprised.

Ellie narrowed her eyes at her and for a second she lowered her gun just a little bit. Immediately Abby threw a bottle to her face and tackled her. Anguished, Ellie realized she wasn’t fast enough to stop her or run away from her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for reading and commenting, I love that others are actually enjoying this. I love people interacting with this story. As many of you can see, I am very invested in this OT3. Now I want to ask you all to look at the tags here, in particular at the relationship tag. I'm saying this because starting next chapter we're slowly going to enter shippy ellabs territory and I've seen some people commenting on ellabs fanfics about how they dislike Abby and all that. I'm writing this to warn you all just in case you read this by accident without noticing the relationship tag, now is the time to abandon this story if you don’t like Abby. In this house we love Abby. In case you do too, you are welcome to stay and enjoy the ride. Thanks again and have a great day


	7. Clarifications

Abby restrained Ellie by pinning her against the wall by her wrists but Ellie headbutted her and made her lose her grip. Ellie took a knife and inserted it in Abby’s leg and she stumbled back. Ellie broke a bottle on Abby’s head, pushed her towards the wall then hit her head with a club for good measure, making her feel disoriented. She then cut Abby’s back with her knife, precisely breaking Abby’s backpack shoulder straps, making it fall to the ground, while also cutting Abby’s back, making her yell in pain. She proceeded to restrain her by twisting her arms behind her back and pinning her to the wall chest first with her own chest pressing against Abby’s back. Abby tried to move but Ellie had her completely locked. Ellie had done all this with breathtaking agility. She didn’t remember Ellie was capable of doing this type of lock the last time and it took her by surprise.

“I don’t want to kill you anymore, I just want my family to be safe, just leave us the fuck alone” said Ellie

“I don’t care about your family, I told you this” said Abby. She could easily push back, maybe stomp on Ellie’s foot and kick her but she didn’t, she was still slightly dizzy from the hits she had received on her head and she also realized that at least now they were talking, even if it was in this strange position.

“Are you really also back? What is this, shared hell?” asked Ellie

“I don’t know or care, I know why you are here, why aren’t you killing me now?” asked Abby

“You have a kid, you stupid twat” said Ellie “I am not you”

Abby would never admit it but that hurt.

“And what are you going to do then?” asked Abby “I can’t let you go, you are killing my friends

“Because they are dicks that don’t leave us alone, I am only here to rescue my family then I am gone” said Ellie

“I don’t believe you” insisted Abby

“I can kill you right now and I am not doing that, am I?” said Ellie

Abby had to admit that was true but before she could process that and say anything else, she heard a gunshot and saw Ellie falling to the side, with a wound on her arm. She looked towards the direction of the shots, seeing that Yara was there with a gun. Before Abby could talk Yara shot again and that exact moment Abby looked back and somehow felt that something terrible had happened as she saw the red haired girl exhaling.

  
  


Abby woke up again in the same place. She stood up, again ignoring Manny.

_So if I die I end up here and if she dies I end up here_ , reflected Abby, _neither should die_

Something was completely wrong here. Was she in hell, as the girl had said? What the fuck was this? And then what did it mean? She needed to talk to this girl, reach an agreement otherwise this would never end. That girl was the last person she should share this with, why was this happening?

_don’t take them to Santa Barbara, that place sucks_

Since that redhead demon of a woman had said that Abby had not been able to stop thinking about it. The levels of fucked up in the fact that her worst nightmare incarnate was showing some level of concern for Lev’s safety - and in a way her own - was astounding. The same asshole who threatened him when he was barely alive, that same bitch was suddenly concerned for him? She had to be fucking kidding her.

_Why would she care?_ , thought Abby, _doesn’t she hate my guts? This doesn’t make sense_

Obviously, she hadn't just shown concern, she had been insufferable. Physical fights were the only thing she had known with this demon of a woman but now she had also the disagreeable experience of having to actually talk to her. It was just as bad but with less chance of mortal injury. Words were not going to kill her but they were more permanent now than physical injuries. They weren’t a real threat though.

_I mean after realizing how stupid you are I kinda think that's punishment enough, don't you think_?

Ellie’s words came to her, as if mocking her idea regarding how little they could affect her. _What an asshole_ , thought Abby, _I bet she figured out that if either of us dies we start trapped here and that's the real reason she won't kill me now._ This thought comforted her, if that was the reason then it was slightly less concerning than Ellie not killing her just because. She wouldn’t know what to do with that. Abby thought a bit about it but the reality was she didn't know if Ellie was aware of this or not. _I need to talk to her, even if I hate the idea._

_don’t take them to Santa Barbara_

_I knew that already, why is she pretending to care? The nerve of that bitch,_ thought Abby.

Grunting in frustration, she tried to leave those thoughts behind her and she repeated everything, convincing Mel, looking for the kids, saving them, taking them to the aquarium, convincing Owen to take the kids, being as honest as she could with the kids so they would be so disgusted by her they would not follow her and then went to track Ellie. Whatever Abby did, she always ended up finding that Jordan and Leah had died and she wasn’t entirely sure but she suspected Ellie could be the cause so she had to stop her from killing more of her friends. She followed reports she heard and thought about good hiding places and ended up in a library. 

The redhead was singing to that short curly haired girl and playing the guitar. Almost against her will, Abby had to admit that the girl was a good singer and could really play that guitar. There was something completely surreal about that situation, though. Up to that moment Abby had only heard Ellie cursing and mocking her but now Ellie’s voice was pleasing and calm, harmonious even. There was something comforting about listening to her. It was amazing how that mouth - so used to derisive and crass words - was capable of producing such enchanting sounds too. Right at that moment she was a completely different person. It was almost as bizarre as if that monstrosity in the hospital had started reciting poems or performing a ballet dance. After that, she heard them talk. Apparently the name of that other girl was Dina. That girl had almost killed her once but if Abby had known nothing about her she would have sworn that the curly haired girl had a very sweet voice. She sounded like a fun person even, Ellie and her joked and Abby felt somewhat out of place because - although they were only talking - there was something intimate about that moment. She heard them mentioning the other two men who were resting in another room, apparently they were injured. Ellie gently suggested Dina to rest and the girl agreed. If Abby could just forget who these people were for a second she would be moved by them.

Then Dina went to another room as Ellie mentioned she was going to check around the place once more. Once Ellie was farther away from the other girl, Abby took her chance, grabbed Ellie and pushed her to another room. As she pushed her she made sure to take her backpack, so that she wouldn’t be able to shoot or hit her with a weapon once more, and then she blocked the door with a table. Although she did this while keeping her eyes on Ellie, the redhead was sneaky and somehow had grabbed a bottle that was behind her and threw it at Abby’s face, making her stumble back. Immediately after this she punched Abby in the face and tried to kick her legs so that Abby would fall. Abby noticed this in time so she grabbed the redhead’s legs and pushed her so it was Ellie the one who fell. Not wasting a second, Abby pinned Ellie down by straddling her waist and holding her wrists to the floor. 

“Now listen to me, you ravenous bitch, or I will kill Dina” said Abby Ellie was surprised and she stopped wrestling. Abby wasn’t really going to kill that girl but Ellie didn’t know that. She tried to give her most intimidating voice and by the look Ellie gave her she believed she was succeeding, “Yeah, now I know her fucking name”

At that Ellie grew angry and it seemed that made her talk.

“She can kick your ass”, said Ellie, defiant despite being trapped, “you know that, don’t you?”

Of course Abby had never forgotten that had it not been for Lev, Dina would have killed her but she would not give Ellie the satisfaction of answering that.

“Whatever, I know you are back just like me, aren’t you, shared hell did you say?” said Abby

Ellie nodded, now it seemed she was curious more than angry.

“Well, I think this is 100% shared, meaning I can’t fucking die or I wake up in the same fucking place” said Abby

“So do I”, admitted Ellie, surprised but somehow relieved, she may have been as confused as Abby was about all this, “but I'm not sure about how this works... at times it is crazy, for a while I just woke up there like two hundred times consecutively”

“I was trying something”, said Abby, feeling slightly ashamed and looking elsewhere for a second

“You were killing yourself?”, asked Ellie incredulous

“I had to try”, said Abby defensively

“No you didn’t, that was fucking insane”, commented Ellie

“Whatever, I want you gone from here”, said Abby

“Well I don’t want to see your stupid face either, I am here for-” said Ellie but Abby interrupted her

“For your family, I know, you said this, repeatedly”, said Abby in a tired tone and rolling her eyes

“Yes, Tommy came for you and I just want to get him and my friend and we are gone, I don’t give a fuck about you” said Ellie

“Then stop killing my friends” said Abby

“I told you they are dicks, all of you are, you just attack everyone, what if we were doctors or I don’t know, the fucking cure for humanity?” said Ellie

Abby was taken aback and literally pulled back at hearing that, loosening her hold on Ellie. 

_Is this really the immune girl?_ , thought Abby. At the theater she had said that Joel had saved her and for that there was no cure but Abby had not been sure she believed her that time. She had been too enraged to care actually, at that moment she had only cared about retribution, not about who she was. Should she believe her now? She had read the notes her dad left, that the girl had a bite on an arm and could breathe in spores. Abby's eyes darted to Ellie's arms at the same time that she involuntarily loosened her grip on her. Ellie didn’t miss her chance, she punched Abby right in the face, making her fall to the side and then she punched her even more with the back of another bottle. This girl was fast, she had not even seen her grab that bottle. Abby punched her too but Ellie hit her strongly on her face with that bottle, for a second Abby thought she was going to break the bottle on her face but luckily she didn’t. Even then, she had hurt her enough as it was and also made her feel disoriented. Ellie used that opportunity to quickly restrain Abby’s arms in a lock hold with her own, entangling her arms together in her back, forcing their bodies to be pressed together and faces in close proximity. Abby knew she was stronger but the lock was good, when had she learned this?

“Stop pursuing me” snarled Ellie, her breath right on Abby’s face in a strange intimacy that made Abby feel awkward.

“I am not the one who traveled miles to get to the other” said Abby, slightly breathless

“Oh you did for Joel but I can’t have you going after me, you are not even my type” said Ellie, slightly breathless too

“Ditto” said Abby but she felt herself growing hot

_What the fuck?_ , thought Abby outraged at her own body's reaction.

The edge of Ellie’s lips curled up and somehow that made everything worse. Not once had she seen that expression on the redhead’s face but it should cause offense not whatever the hell was happening to her stomach.

“I think you just lied there, sorry, taken” said Ellie, derisively

“Get fucked” growled Abby

Ellie arched an eyebrow, knowingly.

“By you? Was that a slip of the tongue, perhaps? I mean not interested but maybe if you ask nicely...” snickered Ellie

Despite her rage, their history, her goals and the humiliation she was already going through, Abby's cheeks had no better idea than to blush even more. She felt painfully aware of how much of her body was in contact with Ellie’s and it seemed every point of contact irradiated more heat than expected and their faces were just too close. An immediate urge to get away filled her and she moved her hips up, to try to throw Ellie off but Ellie - probably realizing what Abby was trying to do - twisted one hand and caused Abby such pain she desisted. She bit the inside of her lips but even then a whimper escaped her. For a second, Ellie gave her a bemused smile and something in her eyes was different. She would have sworn that she was actually enjoying this, not because of the humiliation she was causing but because this was thrilling for her somehow. There was a strange glint in her eyes that made Abby’s pulse accelerate but then Ellie blinked, she was serious again and her eyes were back to normal. She must have imagined that part about the eyes, Ellie wouldn’t, would she? _What am I even thinking?_ , this was becoming confusing and weird, fast.

“Look, man, I am not killing you, stop killing my family, I am not going to kill your pack, ok?, Just trying to defend my family, if yours doesn’t try to kill mine then we should be fine” said Ellie

“I can’t trust you” said Abby

“Neither can I but we already established that if either dies the nightmare starts again” said Ellie

“Maybe it’s not a nightmare to you, you keep killing my friends” insisted Abby

“I told you they keep coming at us, you think I want to see your dumb face over and over again?” asked Ellie

“If you didn’t then why are you all over me now?” asked Abby suggestively arching an eyebrow and snickering, on purpose, to confuse her. She wasn’t really flirting, this was just a strategy.

The look of surprise on those green eyes almost made Abby laugh. Ellie's freckled face turned a light shade of pink - which somehow made those freckles in her face more noticeable - as she gasped and pulled back slightly. That brief distraction was all Abby needed and she got one hand free and punched her side, making her loosen her grip. Ellie tried to punch and kick her but Abby blocked her punches and kicks then she slapped Ellie strongly, making her fall down. When she saw her chance, Abby pinned her down, straddling her and leaned in close to whisper in her ear

“Leave my people alone and I will leave yours alone” said Abby ferociously, baring her teeth

“Then tell them to stop shooting at us” said Ellie turning her head to face Abby. 

Ellie was breathing hard due to the effort and so was Abby. They were close, too close for comfort, their noses almost touching, their breaths on each other’s face, the level of familiarity way above what Abby wanted to share with this demon of a woman. Somehow the situation caused doubt in her that brought with it disturbance of a kind she hadn’t experienced in a while and never with a woman. Sentences were suddenly hard to formulate and Abby was unable to tell how long had she been lost into those green eyes. Their pulling force was inescapable and she found herself unable to stop staring at them. Ellie’s features slowly changed from rage to confusion. She probably didn’t understand what was going on either. Perhaps due to the effort of their hard breathing, perhaps by accident their noses unintentionally touched and both gasped. Abby withdrew a bit and saw turmoil in those green eyes when she did that. It only added to her own agitation and for a while she only opened her mouth but was still unable to speak.

When Abby finally came up with something to say, someone shot at her.

“Leave her alone” screamed Dina

The door had been opened but Abby didn't remember hearing the noise. She should remember that, why couldn’t she? Abby recoiled and Dina shot her in the head.

Abby and Ellie woke up again in the same place they were now starting to hate, on the same day. They both realized this wasn’t working. They needed to stop fighting each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Local girl is in denial of her attraction. More news in our next edition.


	8. Reflections

Dina was still asleep when Ellie opened her eyes. Ellie observed her. It should have been obvious the first time she was back that this was a younger, more naive and optimistic Dina. She was still untainted by the horrors they had survived together in Seattle. Not only did she lack many scars but her hair was completely dark and there were no patches of grayness in it yet. Ellie didn’t think the grayness was a bad addition to Dina’s already beautiful face but she rather preferred they appear once more in old age and not due to stress. 

Ellie sighed and turned to lay on her side as she observed Dina. Loyal, beautiful, impatient, infuriating, smart, reliable Dina. Her curls were so incredibly beautiful, along with her warm dark eyes, her cute freckles, her nose, her jaw, everything really. Ellie didn't think her paintings could ever capture her dazzling and captivating magnificence. Nothing could make her loveliness justice. She didn't think she could love anyone more than how she loved Dina. She didn't have it on her or so she thought. She let her sleep more and tried to just enjoy contemplating who she hoped would be her life partner. She wished she could give her more than what she could offer. What was she after all if not a broken person, making ten thousands failed attempts at being better and failing in more spectacular ways each time? Whatever happened she hoped this round she could take her to safety, maybe with less trauma. She let herself dream of a life in the farm, receiving visits from Jesse and maybe even Tommy with Maria. If there was a way she could make Tommy desist of the revenge plans without losing him, she would really like that. If in any way Maria and Tommy could stay together, not fight after Abby had not been killed and Tommy had not been able to let go. Every time they had discussed letting Abby go he had been notably angry with the decision to leave Abby behind. 

Could Ellie blame him? She had gone after Abby to the worst place on earth after all, abandoned her own family for a stupid desire of retribution. There would be no peace for Ellie in the end and that had cost her dearly. She wondered briefly what Joel would have wanted for her and then realized she actually did not care much about that. Their opinions - Ellie’s and Joel’s - on what Ellie should do quite often clashed. She had not necessarily given up on Abby because of what Joel would have wanted for her - although the memory of what he had been for her and the parallels of the situation with Abby and that kid had contributed to her decision - but because she had decided she did not want that anymore and because she had chosen to accept she had lost him. Joel was gone and she could never recover the time she had lost being angry at him, there would not be movie nights or moments where they could play the guitar together, all of that was gone and killing Abby would not make the pain go away. Joel would always be her dad, the one who saved her many times, took her to the museum, the one who taught her how to play the guitar, sing and swim. Dina had been right, it was better to talk about these things, remember the good things of those who were gone and not just her regrets. Now Ellie could do that and she was certainly going to do it often. All of a sudden she remembered the time she had given Sarah’s picture to Joel and how he had started opening up about her after that. It had taken him years to overcome that loss, perhaps Ellie could cut herself some slack if it had taken her two years or so to be able to do the same. 

Ellie sighed. Joel was a marvelous and terrible person, one thing didn’t negate the other and going after Abby she had basically tried to imitate his fury and destructive power, or perhaps it was something she had always had inside, some monster she had to placate, hide or stump down until it would disappear. Instead of remembering Joel through spilled blood she wanted to remember him through stories, music and songs, maybe even paintings. She could create instead of destroy, she was capable and - at least now - she was willing.

Abby was right, she had been obsessed with that blonde bitch of hell for long enough that it had almost destroyed them both. It was good that those days were over. The desolation that that obsession had caused was something that Ellie needed to prevent at all costs. 

When Dina said that they had a family and that Abby didn’t need to be more important than that, she had been right once more. Even if someone that she considered family would be livid and may even not speak to her for months, she knew that heeding Dina’s advice this time was the right thing to do. She had already hurt her too much and she deserved better, Jesse deserved better, he deserved to survive this mess. Whatever part of her that would have wanted to punish Abby for her actions had died at that beach. Although in the past she would have sided with Tommy now she only cared about keeping her loved one’s safe. She had to make things better, she herself wanted desperately to be better, she had fucked things up enough the first time she did all this. No, this time she needed to avoid disappointing Dina, even at the cost of disappointing Tommy. 

Ellie sighed once more. The fact that this - whatever this was - was something that she ended up being forced to share with Abby was incredibly ironic. She was the last person she needed to see yet now she seemed condemned to see her everyday. Somehow that woman was entangled with her life in all this abnormality and to this level of depth too. How had they ended up in this situation? Was this a curse? Were they in hell, as Ellie herself had suggested? They had to figure out a way to stop burdening each other once and again. The devastation had to end. 

The memories of her last run with that blonde braid of hell came to her mind and that made her put a hand on her head. What the fuck had that been? Abby and Ellie had fought numerous times but now they were actually talking to each other. She had not ever talked to her for an extended period of time and she probably never would have allowed that to happen in normal circumstances. Had it not been for this situation she would have always avoided Abby, even if for some reason they would have been forced to share a space. Ellie liked to tease, annoy and mock but she had not lied, she really wanted Abby to leave her alone. She wanted nothing to do with her. The hate that Abby's face once caused her was somehow diminished, she didn't like her but she didn't feel sick at the sight of her either. However when Abby had been hovering over her, with her hands restraining Ellie's wrists and their faces in such close proximity, something alarming had happened. Abby was ferocious, wildly dangerous and lethal. With the sole exception of the time she found her on the beach, Ellie was not used to any other side of her than that of a hard and cold killer. Yet when the snarl on Abby’s face had vanished and those blue eyes seemed suddenly lost instead, the transformation took Ellie by surprise. The murderous wolf was abruptly gone and a hint of softness, something that she must once have had, was there in her eyes. That unintentional graze of their noses had made both gasp and reel. Their confrontation had left both of them breathless but they had remained there staring at each other's eyes for long enough that they had started to recover yet the second they accidentally touched their breathings accelerated again. 

Blue eyes staring deeply into her, her breath on top of her, that mouth turning from hostile to bewildered, that single touch, their gasps, all of it was disquieting, to say the least. What could it mean? Abby was her enemy, or wasn’t she? Maybe she was just someone she had to learn to let go. But she had already let go of her. In fact now she really wanted to run away from her. She had to run away, stop facing her. Abby was starting to frighten her in a different way now. Before the madness started, every time they confronted each other Ellie had not once stopped to think about the details in her enemy’s features, like her many freckles, the plumpness of her lips, their color, how the sparkle in her eyes changed when in turmoil. These thoughts now plagued her mind. No, she had to get away, fast. So what was the answer to this? She only wished to save Jesse, and Tommy, then take them and Dina back to safety. If she could do this while not being attacked by the wolves and scars that would be great but every time they were attacked by those two groups. No one would give her a chance to just grab her people and leave. Not even Abby. Ellie groaned in frustration. Then, remembering she was still asleep she looked at Dina. Luckily that didn’t wake her up. 

_There has to be a way_ , though Ellie, _I have to be able to convince her to let me go. I know I was obsessed with killing her and she fears for her friends but I don’t know how to convince her I won’t hurt them this time._

What could Ellie say? She had tried it all already, Abby just refused to believe her. Could she really blame her though? She had killed a pregnant woman last time, tortured Nora, she had done terrifying things she didn’t want to repeat. She had been a despicable monster. To be honest she wouldn’t believe her own self either. 

_My words have no value to her so I just need to be faster, leave before she catches me_ , thought Ellie.

Ellie took her diary from her backpack and tried to write or draw to organize her ideas. Unintentionally she had ended up drawing Abby. This time with detailed precision and the infuriating thing was that she had done all that without even thinking. Abby looked at her from the pages of her own notebook, not leaving her alone even there. She felt that even this drawing was mocking her and her attempts to run away from her. Immediately she tore that page and broke it to pieces. What was happening to her? 

_I let her go, why am I still thinking of her?_ , thought Ellie, annoyed at herself for doing that.

Surprised blue eyes, eyebrows going up and plum lips opened but just barely crossed her mind once more and Ellie massaged her forehead, trying to chase away that face, the thoughts that came with her and anything related to her really. Maybe the repetition of this day was not the curse, the curse was Abby and her stupid face that kept popping up in front of her and in her mind all the fucking time.

_If you didn’t then why are you all over me now?_

That vicious snarl and that comment kept coming back at her. It was surely something Abby said just to confuse her, or did she really mean it? No, she couldn’t mean it, she couldn’t possibly imply that she felt Ellie was somehow interested in her? But Ellie had been thrilled when she had Abby in that position. Yet, it was just because she had the upper hand and being as strong as Abby was, it was something to be proud of, it was just that, wasn’t it?

_Why are you all over me now?_

Was she flirting? What was that? No, it wasn’t real. Ellie had tried to distract her with a similar tactic, it was just that, a tactic. It meant absolutely nothing. 

_Why are you all over me now?_

_Please disappear from my life_ , begged Ellie, almost trying to pray. Maybe Dina was right about praying too and praying would relax her but she didn’t really believe there was anything to pray at. No one was listening, she had to do things herself if she really wanted something to change. Abby’s worried stare as she looked at Owen crossed her mind. She cared about this man, more than Ellie had known, she probably loved him. That time she had gone to confront her Abby had been worried about that man. She remembered killing him and was now surprised Abby had let Dina and her go that night at the theater. Had Ellie been in her place, had Abby killed Dina, she would have not spared her. Of course she couldn’t forget that the boy - Lev - had influenced Abby’s decision, Abby would have probably murdered both of them had she been alone. There was just so much about Abby that Ellie hadn’t known. Ellie had truly believed that the Fireflies had been angry at Joel about the cure but it turned out Abby had wanted to avenge her dad, whom Joel had killed. The situation was not what she had thought it was. Abby was like her and this wasn’t necessarily something positive. Yes, she understood her but that didn’t mean she wanted to be near her. Ellie was trying to write her ideas, to plan what to do but ended up writing her questions instead.

_Why was she looking at me like that?_ , wrote Ellie, _since when does she look at me like that? Why did we react like that just because our noses touched? She hates me, this has to mean nothing, she killed Joel_. _WTF, of course it means nothing._

Again she looked at what she wrote, became enraged by it and tore it to pieces. Despite doing that her mind took her to places she didn’t want to go. Like the fact that she knew that look very well. She had seen it in people looking at Dina, she had seen it in enchanting dark eyes staring at her. She had felt it all over her skin as Dina kissed her. That tingling sensation in her body, that tension, that attraction, she knew all that very well.

_No, that is not it, I hate her, she hates me_ , Ellie thought, holding desperately to the only reality she knew to be immutable in this whole mess and discovered in dismay that this was no longer true. Not at least in her case. It wasn’t that the hate had diminished but it had completely evaporated, vanished from existence, or maybe it had initially mutated into dislike, that was somehow mixed then with distrust, then curiosity and now… what was it mixed with now? She swallowed and put a hand in her hair. _When? Why?_

  
Ellie bit her lips and tried to calm herself. _Just because I don’t hate her doesn’t mean I like her, this changes nothing, I have to leave, fast_ , thought Ellie, _I have to find a way._ She sighed and tried once more and this time she wrote some ideas. She read them once she finished and hoped this time would be the last she had to relieve this wretched day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tl;dr: gay panic

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcomed :D


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